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When a relationship ends, you should take the time to reflect on the reasons that it has ended so that you can learn from your mistakes. Breakups are a learning opportunity. If you take the time to examine the reasons for your breakup, then you may be able to avoid letting history repeat itself in your dating life . There are two sides to every coin – personal growth can be the flip side to your sadness over the loss of a relationship . What was the cause of your breakup? If you cheated on your mate , then you might be feeling very guilty and untrustworthy. You can learn from this experience that you have to work on being more honest. If you cheated, you probably were not happy in the relationship to begin with. However, you did the wrong thing by being unfaithful rather than honest. You should have ended the relationship, not strayed from it. Next time you are in a relationship, make sure that you really want to be there. It is not fair to the person that you are with for you to b...

When you want to have a deeper relationship with your dating partner, here are a few ideas which encourage closer emotional intimacy. In personal relationships , sometimes you get to the point where you’re ready to go to the next level. Instead of a casual dating situation, you want a deeper, more committed relationship that may last over time or even lead to marriage . But how do you take the next step without tumbling into an abyss? Here are a few tips that might prove helpful: 1. Spend more time together. Some dating relationships begin with the couple seeing each other once or twice a week. This works well when both people work or manage other responsibilities, like college or caring for a family. Over time, however, you may decide that you want to know more about the other person, and that involves spending more time together through the week or on weekends so that you can observe each other more often or experience a variety of lifestyle situations. This should be a shared de...

A painful break up can feel like the permanent end to a relationships, but it can also lead to a better foundation for a more intimate reunion. One of the most painful realities about romantic relationships is that they can only lead to two conclusions- a serious long-term commitment or a decision to break up. All of the good times, all of the intimate conversations, all of the shared experiences can end with a single argument or indiscretion. Relationships are fragile things by nature, which can only make a painful breakup that much more difficult to process. But sometimes the bond between two people can still be strong in spite of the 'failed relationship'. Some couples find that it's easier to deal with each other once the pressure of a serious romance is off. With fewer expectations, both are free to share mutual hobbies and interests as friends. The difficulty then shifts to coping with a 400 pound gorilla called the past. Following a painful breakup, a sense of frien...

The test of any relationship comes with time: as we get older, so our views, aspirations and ambitions change. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall looks at how to help your relationship face the challenge. The first attraction Having things in common is often a major part of the initial attraction to our partners. Some anthropologists will tell you that at an unconscious level we even go so far as to choose partners who look like us. As a relationship develops, each shared experience gives us the chance to check out if we're compatible. Do we share the same taste in music? Do we laugh at the same jokes? Do we like the same people? If we seem to have plenty in common, we'll begin to explore each other's aspirations to see if we have a shared future together. What our ambitions say about us When we begin to talk about our dreams and ambitions, we're sharing the things that are closest to our hearts. We're saying something about our personal values and about our p...

For as long as there have been men and women, there have been dating and dating rituals . Being the sly hunters we are, men have built up a reservoir of knowledge and cunning over the millennia on how to successfully woo the ladies over the first few weeks of a courtship. There are many fish in the sea, and there are many baiting procedures you can use to reel them in. And though many women may be aware of some of our strategies, they surely don't know of all of them. Let's keep it that way, gentlemen. Keep these timeless secret dating tips under your hat and enjoy the learning process. 10. Wait three days before calling back The idea behind this dating rule of thumb is to make sure that your new squeeze doesn't think you're desperate to see her. And it's become a golden rule because it often works. Many women know the dating game, and want to see if their new man can play it. Prove that you can by keeping it cool, and resisting the urge to follow up on a meeting t...

Men love women. The way they look, smell, walk and talk are just some of the reasons why we consider them a divine species. Yet we can't live with them, and we certainly can't live without them... ...for the most part anyway, because perfect, they are not. And upon serious analysis, I've discovered the top 10 things women do that drive men to the brink of insanity. 10. Pretend to be virtuous A recurring theme among many women is that they try to place themselves under a "holier than thou" light, never admitting that they fooled around or dividing their number of boyfriends by five. Now, we applaud those ladies who truly are innocent and pure , but the rest should stop trying to water down their past. Women are allowed to have just as much fun as guys, and they should find a man who can appreciate that. 9. Criticize other women Why is it that many women can't make a simple compliment toward another woman? They love to nitpick about everything from weight to ...

There are certain things a man never wants to hear from his lady. "Let's go shopping" is one of them, as those words usually herald a whole afternoon wasted near the women's fitting rooms. "You're acting like your father" is another, much harsher statement. Even worse, "You're acting like my father"; that one just hurts. Below, however, are the most fearsome, most harrowing combinations of words a female can utter. 10. I've been thinking... If she actually tells you she's been thinking, it's serious. And you can bet it involves marriage, cohabitation or the bitter end. It can take many forms, such as: "Why do you love me?" and "Have you ever thought about the future?" Again, have a brilliant exit plan at hand. A severed finger, for instance. 9. Be a man. Nothing is quite as injurious as having your very manhood questioned. You could give in to her shame tactics and do what she wants , or deflect it by s...

He may be testing you to find out You've been getting closer with a woman and you're thinking, Hmm… she might be the one. But in the back of your mind an insistent little voice keeps nagging, This is too good to be true. And instant replays of all the mood swings, temper tantrums and unbridled greediness of your past girlfriends flit through your brain. Maybe there have been inklings that all is not sunny in relationship paradise; or maybe you're just feeling a need to tap the brakes a little and tread cautiously — after all, dating is a significant investment of time if you're not headed in the right direction. So before you commit, put her to the test. Women are constantly testing us and constantly evaluating the results, so it's only fair for us to turn the tables. Here are a few tests you can try on for size: Excess baggage Lots of women are the "walking wounded" — they carry around unresolved hurt and anger from past relationships and expect the n...

By Chelsea Kaplan Have your past relationships left you with enough emotional baggage to fill an entire airplane? If so, it’s time to let go of it before your next relationship crashes and burns, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., the host of Detroit’s popular “Love Doctor” live television and radio programs. Below, find her tips on how to lighten your load: Don’t despair—you are not alone Though you may feel like the only person out there with unhealed scars from previous breakups, everyone else has ’em, too. “All people have some amount of baggage associated with past relationships,” says Dr. Orbuch. “It’s the amount of baggage that matters.” While it’s normal to occasionally compare past relationships with your present one, if you find yourself comparing every behavior and quality of a new date to your old flame, it is time to deal with the past, she says. Once you’ve done so, you’ll be able to move forward without the need to constantly revisit the past. Forge new memories All couples hav...

By Robert W. Harris Don’t get me wrong: In general, men are in awe of women’s date-night conversation skills, which, hands down, are far superior to their own. Even so, though, you gals do still insert your stiletto’d foot in your mouth every once in awhile—or, conversely, miss prime opportunities to make a remark that would raise your stock in our eyes. Curious whether you’ve got the right choice phrases in your back pocket and whether you’re avoiding the bad ones? Check out this list of things guys love (and hate) to hear on a date for the lowdown. 5 things men love to hear on a date... “Then what happened?” It’s human: A man likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known nails in the coffin, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds. Actively egg him on with comments like, “You’re kidding! What happened next?” or “Go on...” That way, he’ll know you’re genuin...

By Bob Strauss Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience—it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love. Your date is devoted to another. “On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me,” says Bethany from Minneapolis. “He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!” Your date overspends, and you’re stingy. “If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future...

By Karen Salmansohn Throughout the ages, there’s been one question that has consistently stumped even the wisest of prophets and gurus: “How do you know when it’s love... and how do you know when you should dump the chump?” I say: Don’t waste precious time-ticking-time with the wrong partner! Here’s a list of relationship-clarifying questions to better serve daters who are newly head-over-heels... So you can suss out sooner versus later if you’ve found the love of your life—or if you should run for your life! Good looks fade. But a bad personality is forever. If you took away the physical attraction and hot sex, would you still want to be friends with this person? Does your new partner tell you outright that he or she is not ready to be in a serious relationship? If so, listen up! What you hear is what you get! You need at least one VERY to fall in love. For example, it helps if your honey is VERY smart, or VERY good-looking, VERY caring or VERY funny, etc. Basically, you need to s...

Do you fly off the handle at the slightest thing or are you a peacemaker who cools things down? Find out what your conflict style is from Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall . Stuck in a rut? Many couples notice that their arguments seem to follow familiar patterns. They may always erupt from nowhere, for example, or gradually build up over a period of days. As individuals, most of us will have developed a particular conflict style, learnt from years of watching how others manage their differences. Understanding your style can help you act differently and get out of 'argument ruts'. Which style are you? Here are some of the most common styles of arguing. Perhaps you'll recognise yourself in some of them. The peacemaker - you don't like arguments and see it as your responsibility to cool things down and sort things out as soon as possible, even if this means ignoring your personal needs or not having your opinions heard. The defensive attacker - you believe that th...

Many arguments occur for the wrong reasons and get out of hand easily. This checklist by relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall can help you to avoid rows - when you next feel a conflict brewing, just ask yourself these questions. Your feelings Are you overreacting because you're tired and stressed? Could the anger you feel be at someone or something else? Are you hormonal at the moment and feeling unusually irritable or sensitive? Is your mood being affected by illness? Your partner's feelings Could your partner be overreacting because they're tired or stressed? Do you know that they're currently feeling angry about something else? Is your partner either struggling with health issues or being affected by hormonal changes? Your conscience Are you feeling defensive about what your partner has said or done because you feel guilty? Could you be feeling defensive because you want to avoid having to say you're sorry? Are you bearing a grudge against your partner for so...

The next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner, keep in mind the following tips from relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall so you can bring the conflict to an end swiftly - and peacefully. Abnormal behaviour It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of relationships. We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement. But when arguing seems to be a way of life and leaves you feeling exhausted, hurt or wondering if you want to stay in the relationship, it's time to call a truce and sort things out. The first step towards doing this is to understand what you're really arguing about and get an insight into your conflict style . After you've looked at both these areas, you can use some of the techniques below to help you sort things out. Some can be done alone; others need your partner's cooperation. Be self-aware Self-awareness and self-responsibility are the first steps in sorting out and avoiding...

Absence makes the heart grow fonder - or so the saying goes. But what if the time away is prolonged, or one partner is more relaxed about the situation? Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall has some tips to help you stay together even when apart. Different views of distance How couples cope with being apart largely depends on how they feel about the separation. Here are some common interpretations: What's the big deal? - if you were brought up in a family where absence was the norm, it may be that periods apart are no problem. It's the thin end of the wedge - perhaps in your past someone left saying it was temporary, but didn't come back. You may see a period of separation as the beginning of the end. If you loved me, you'd stay - love is linked to being physically near and any threat to that is also a threat to your emotional security. But it's not for long - it might be your nature to look at life in the long term and see a bigger picture and, therefore, y...

Falling out of love can sometimes be just as easy as falling in love. Working out whether it's just a phase or if your relationship has reached the end of the line is one of life's hardest decisions. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall asks the difficult questions. The pros and cons When people try to decide if their relationship's over, they often find themselves weighing up the pros and cons. On the pros side they put all their partner's positive character traits, the happy memories and the advantages of being together. On the cons they list all the things they don't like about their partner, the painful memories and the reasons why living together sometimes feels impossible. The problem with this system is that they're never measuring like for like. For example, when listing personal qualities, how many negatives would it take to counteract being an excellent mother? And how many happy memories does it take to outweigh an affair? Unfortunately, there...