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A painful break up can feel like the permanent end to a relationships, but it can also lead to a better foundation for a more intimate reunion. One of the most painful realities about romantic relationships is that they can only lead to two conclusions- a serious long-term commitment or a decision to break up. All of the good times, all of the intimate conversations, all of the shared experiences can end with a single argument or indiscretion. Relationships are fragile things by nature, which can only make a painful breakup that much more difficult to process. But sometimes the bond between two people can still be strong in spite of the 'failed relationship'. Some couples find that it's easier to deal with each other once the pressure of a serious romance is off. With fewer expectations, both are free to share mutual hobbies and interests as friends. The difficulty then shifts to coping with a 400 pound gorilla called the past. Following a painful breakup, a sense of frien...

Do you fly off the handle at the slightest thing or are you a peacemaker who cools things down? Find out what your conflict style is from Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall . Stuck in a rut? Many couples notice that their arguments seem to follow familiar patterns. They may always erupt from nowhere, for example, or gradually build up over a period of days. As individuals, most of us will have developed a particular conflict style, learnt from years of watching how others manage their differences. Understanding your style can help you act differently and get out of 'argument ruts'. Which style are you? Here are some of the most common styles of arguing. Perhaps you'll recognise yourself in some of them. The peacemaker - you don't like arguments and see it as your responsibility to cool things down and sort things out as soon as possible, even if this means ignoring your personal needs or not having your opinions heard. The defensive attacker - you believe that th...

Many arguments occur for the wrong reasons and get out of hand easily. This checklist by relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall can help you to avoid rows - when you next feel a conflict brewing, just ask yourself these questions. Your feelings Are you overreacting because you're tired and stressed? Could the anger you feel be at someone or something else? Are you hormonal at the moment and feeling unusually irritable or sensitive? Is your mood being affected by illness? Your partner's feelings Could your partner be overreacting because they're tired or stressed? Do you know that they're currently feeling angry about something else? Is your partner either struggling with health issues or being affected by hormonal changes? Your conscience Are you feeling defensive about what your partner has said or done because you feel guilty? Could you be feeling defensive because you want to avoid having to say you're sorry? Are you bearing a grudge against your partner for so...

The next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner, keep in mind the following tips from relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall so you can bring the conflict to an end swiftly - and peacefully. Abnormal behaviour It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of relationships. We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement. But when arguing seems to be a way of life and leaves you feeling exhausted, hurt or wondering if you want to stay in the relationship, it's time to call a truce and sort things out. The first step towards doing this is to understand what you're really arguing about and get an insight into your conflict style . After you've looked at both these areas, you can use some of the techniques below to help you sort things out. Some can be done alone; others need your partner's cooperation. Be self-aware Self-awareness and self-responsibility are the first steps in sorting out and avoiding...

by Robert Hetrick, Ph.D. Have you been hurt by violent words? Most of us have. When verbally assaulted, we recoil, and sometimes, we counter attack. We perceive the attack as coming from outside ourselves. But, in truth, the attack also comes from within. It comes from the meanings we add to the speaker's words. Someone once said, "We have met the enemy, and he is us!" When we are hurt, or upset by other's words, we must look to ourselves as "self-abusers." It doesn't feel this way when we are accosted, but give me a couple of minutes to tell you how self-inflicted pain works in this situation. This article seeks to convince you that the ultimate cause of your reaction to other's lack of kindness, is you. And, if you "buy" my pitch, you just might quit wasting time and energy blaming another for your hurt, anger, or sadness when they speak cruelly. Then you will be freed to figure out how you let someone get to you....

by Patricia Pitta Ph.D., A.B.P.P., Family Psychologist, Diplomate in Family Psychology Stop Blaming the "Other" Solve Your Relationship Problems The marital relationship is a tug of war for power and control. When one member of the relationship is more dominant or doesn't permit the expression for the self or the other, the relationship will experience a halt in emotional growth of the individuals and the couple will begin to experience disappointment, fear, and worry. Anger will become the predominant emotion which will envelop the relationship leaving the couple with a sense of utter despair, confusion and just feeling hopeless. At this point, many couples think about leaving the relationship because they just can't understand and work with the dynamics in the relationship and can't tolerate their conflicted feelings. The impulse to run away is paramount, but the reality is you can not run away from yourself. It is essential that you know...

by Christine Longmore Many people subscribe to the thinking that fighting is a normal part of any relationship. The existence of sayings that describe different types of "normal fighting" is proof in itself that we accept fighting as a part of life. Sibling rivalry, lover's quarrels and family disputes are all the result of basic human nature. Assuming this to be true, you might say to yourself, "OK that may be true but where do I draw the line between normal fighting and irreconcilable differences?" What is the difference between a fight and an argument? Can people really agree to disagree? In a perfect world maybe. For most people -- couples in particular -- agreeing to disagree can sometimes be a diplomatic way of describing a stand off. There is hope though. By trying a few of the following basic strategies, you can deal with differences, hurt feelings and other common problems that often lead to fights. The first main ingredient for taking ...