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The relative success of every relationship you maintain in life hinges on communication. It is the foundation and bedrock of your bond with other people. Communication: Can it get any more basic than that? No. And as a result, you may assume that we are all experts in the field of good communication. Of course, such an assumption is false, and even absurd. Because as we well know, the most common relationship predicament, when you boil it down to the essence of the problem, is communication. We have difficulty with it and submit to almost unmanageable urges that compel us to act in a manner divergent from good relationship behavior. Men are the main offenders in this epidemic. We have that massive male ego to contend with for one, and an almost primordial instinct to "win" at every endeavor we partake in. Fight to the death When we unleash these typical male forces in the confines of our relationship, we blaze a trail of self-destruction. We start a pattern of dysfuncti...

Do you fly off the handle at the slightest thing or are you a peacemaker who cools things down? Find out what your conflict style is from Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall . Stuck in a rut? Many couples notice that their arguments seem to follow familiar patterns. They may always erupt from nowhere, for example, or gradually build up over a period of days. As individuals, most of us will have developed a particular conflict style, learnt from years of watching how others manage their differences. Understanding your style can help you act differently and get out of 'argument ruts'. Which style are you? Here are some of the most common styles of arguing. Perhaps you'll recognise yourself in some of them. The peacemaker - you don't like arguments and see it as your responsibility to cool things down and sort things out as soon as possible, even if this means ignoring your personal needs or not having your opinions heard. The defensive attacker - you believe that th...

Many arguments occur for the wrong reasons and get out of hand easily. This checklist by relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall can help you to avoid rows - when you next feel a conflict brewing, just ask yourself these questions. Your feelings Are you overreacting because you're tired and stressed? Could the anger you feel be at someone or something else? Are you hormonal at the moment and feeling unusually irritable or sensitive? Is your mood being affected by illness? Your partner's feelings Could your partner be overreacting because they're tired or stressed? Do you know that they're currently feeling angry about something else? Is your partner either struggling with health issues or being affected by hormonal changes? Your conscience Are you feeling defensive about what your partner has said or done because you feel guilty? Could you be feeling defensive because you want to avoid having to say you're sorry? Are you bearing a grudge against your partner for so...

The next time you find yourself in an argument with your partner, keep in mind the following tips from relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall so you can bring the conflict to an end swiftly - and peacefully. Abnormal behaviour It's important to accept that arguments are a normal part of relationships. We're all different and where there's difference, there will be disagreement. But when arguing seems to be a way of life and leaves you feeling exhausted, hurt or wondering if you want to stay in the relationship, it's time to call a truce and sort things out. The first step towards doing this is to understand what you're really arguing about and get an insight into your conflict style . After you've looked at both these areas, you can use some of the techniques below to help you sort things out. Some can be done alone; others need your partner's cooperation. Be self-aware Self-awareness and self-responsibility are the first steps in sorting out and avoiding...

by Christine Longmore Many people subscribe to the thinking that fighting is a normal part of any relationship. The existence of sayings that describe different types of "normal fighting" is proof in itself that we accept fighting as a part of life. Sibling rivalry, lover's quarrels and family disputes are all the result of basic human nature. Assuming this to be true, you might say to yourself, "OK that may be true but where do I draw the line between normal fighting and irreconcilable differences?" What is the difference between a fight and an argument? Can people really agree to disagree? In a perfect world maybe. For most people -- couples in particular -- agreeing to disagree can sometimes be a diplomatic way of describing a stand off. There is hope though. By trying a few of the following basic strategies, you can deal with differences, hurt feelings and other common problems that often lead to fights. The first main ingredient for taking ...

It's as inevitable as it can be - couples fight. No matter how much we tend to believe that a couple could get through life without arguing in a perfect scenario, it's very often not the case. People have many differences, and differences can lead to disagreements. If you follow some simple guidelines for fighting fairly, however, you can ensure that you get through fights without creating worse problems in the relationship. It's important to let your loved one know as soon as you can when a problem starts bothering you. The more you let the issue stew inside of you, the angrier that you will get. When you DO decide to talk about something you've kept inside, you tend to blow up and be really unfair to your loved one. A good guideline for ensuring that you can address the topic fairly is to not argue about anything that occurred 48 hours ago or earlier. Address the issue as soon as you can, and you stand the best chance of resolving the problem. If your loved one won...

by Dr. Brenda Shoshana What are the secrets of effective communication? How do we truly get what we want while also giving our partners what they need? Let's look at the top three communication problems that most couples have -- and see how they can be solved right here. Pitfall 1: Communicating to Manipulate Sometimes we communicate solely for the purpose of getting what we want, when we want it, whether the other person is able to give it or not. We sulk, pout, threaten, cajole or do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, however temporarily effective it may be, has a terrible effect on the long-term health of any relationship . Give it up. Respect what the other person has to offer. If they cannot give what you want to you, see if you can give it to yourself. Pitfall 2: Communicating to Deceive Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication, one that destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, g...

BY ALLISON FABIAN Don't declare war every time your man messes up -- if you're into him long-term, here's how (and when) to pick a fight. "Constantly riding your mate will put your entire relationship at risk," warns Sam Horn, author of Tongue Fu! How to Deflect, Disarm, and Defuse Any Verbal Conflict (St. Martin's). "The key is to strike a balance between the battles you choose to fight and those you choose to let go." Ask yourself these six key questions when determining which conflicts are worth waging war over. 1. What's really bugging you? He shows up for dinner at your place an hour late because his basketball game went into overtime, and then he spends 10 minutes bragging that his jump shots would have made Michael Jordan slink off the court in shame. Meanwhile, the only shot you're thinking about is the one you'd like to take at him. Hold it just a second! Although he should have called and he still hasn't apologized, you need...