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By Dan Bova Let’s face it, there are no easy ways to end a relationship. But if you understand what really makes men tick, there are ways to make it a little less horrible. Here are some insider tips from the mouths of the broken-hearted — and some love gurus — on how to let a guy down easy. Use them next time you need a send a fella packin’. Be definitive When telling a guy that it is over, be clear that it is absolutely, positively O-V-E-R. “Sometimes we may be inclined to leave the door open — either to leave options open for ourselves or to soften the blow of the breakup for the other person — but this is dangerous territory,” says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League . It might seem nice to offer the possibility that one day in the future, you two will find your way back into each other’s arms, but all this does is give the poor sap false hope. And with false hope come drunken calls at 3 a.m. asking if you’re ready to take him back yet. “Make it clear that he needs to m...

By Margot Carmichael Lester You never thought you’d have to date again, but here you are living life after divorce or the death of your partner. While you don’t want to be alone forever, you’re having a hard time believing you’ll be able to get past your loss so you can love again. And who can blame you? Yet despite the complex emotions that surround starting over, you can learn to love again. It just takes time and a little effort on your part. Our team of experts identified common problems newly single people face and offered solutions to help you get back on the road to romance. Problem: Living in the past. “Don’t sabotage your present and future by fixating on the past,” says Paul Davis, author of the book, Breakthrough for a Broken Heart . “Stop looking for closure concerning unresolved matters and instead simply let them be. Make a decision for your present and live victoriously.” Solution: Replace anxiety with creativity. “Get back in the sandbox of life and start playing arou...

By Chelsea Kaplan You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations—from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation. Reason #1: There’s no passion “I had been with John for about three years—he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work, and while I was gone, I got together with a co-worker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home...

By Chelsea Kaplan Sometimes, when the going gets tough, the tough get it on with someone else. But what really makes men stray? A nagging girlfriend? Bad sex? An escape from loneliness? Yes, yes and yes. Hear why these men slipped away from their girlfriends and landed in someone else’s bed. Then — whether you’re a guy or a girl — use the info below to sidestep this kind of situation in your love life. Reason #1: For payback “I once cheated on my girlfriend after I saw on her cell phone that she had been text-messaging with her ex. They were pretty harmless messages, but it angered me that she had been communicating with him in the first place—I’d always thought they were a little too chummy. That night, I was out with friends and had a lot to drink. I got so worked up about those messages that I pretty much made it my mission to find another girl and hook up with her, which I did. I think it was a payback thing. We eventually broke up, but not because of that incident — I never told h...

By Bob Strauss So it’s your third date, and you’re starting to suspect that the person you’ve been making googly eyes at all night may not be telling the entire truth. To start with, your date was an hour late, which was blamed on traffic coming into town. Next, whenever you ask about previous relationships, this person nervously checks the time and changes the subject. Finally, your date is wearing a striped prison uniform, and you just know this person has to have at least one other outfit to choose from. OK, just kidding about that last point, but this is a serious (and surprisingly common) situation that merits some hard-headed advice. We asked Martha Stout, author of the best-selling The Sociopath Next Door , about what to do when you suspect your date is lying. Here’s what she had to say: Forget what you’ve seen on TV. The plots of countless crime shows notwithstanding, Stout says, “even trained psychologists are very bad at discerning the moment when someone is telling a lie.”...

By David Zinczenko What is it with men, anyway? Chances are you’ve spent more than your share of long nights on the phone or tossing back a margarita or two with your girlfriends, asking that very question. And chances are, your girlfriends nodded and shrugged and sympathized, knowing exactly how you felt. But from where I stand, asking a woman to explain the feelings of a man is sort of like asking Donald Rumsfeld to explain hip-hop music. We’d all be a lot better off if we looked for answers closer to the source. Here, for the first time ever, we’ve gotten them to show their cards on some of your top questions: Q: Why does a guy say he’ll call and then doesn’t? A: He’s thinking like a jockey at the start of a horse race. He doesn’t want to pull out of the gates too fast. Waiting a few days allows him to set a comfortable pace before he makes a move. Any longer than that probably means he’s pulled himself up and plans on entering another race, another day. Q: Why do guys email instead...

By Dalma Heyn When Kim found out that Peter, her boyfriend of six months, was sleeping with another woman, she threw up. When she finally pulled herself together long enough to co nfront him, he looked at her quizzically, like her dog did when she gently pushed him off her pillow. He didn’t understand. “Like, did we ever promise we’d be faithful?” he asked. No, they’d never shaken on it, but their involvement had led her to assume an exclusivity that she now saw was one-sided. Hurled into a country song about a good-hearted woman in love with a good-time man, Kim realized that she’d opened herself up to someone who lacked a heart . She ushered him out of her home by saying, “You’re right. You never promised you’d be faithful. Now, let’s end this, OK?” With that same baffled-puppy look she once found endearing, he played dumb a second time. “ But why? ” A New Kind of Guy Peter is a Drama King. Drama Kings are perfectly attractive, often successful men who look like other guys — guys who...

By Lisa Lombardi We’ve all had them—those “I can’t believe he did that!” moments on first dates. I once went on a dinner date with a guy who not only kept his cell phone on the table, but took a call from his mom during our meal. Another guy invited me out for coffee and asked for my share — all of $3 — when it was time to pay up. Of course, being the open-minded woman I am, I wrote them off as total psychopaths. But can you really read that much into first-date behavior? Just about, says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., a psychologist specializing in relationships in New York. “Everything you want to know about someone is there for you right at the beginning,” she notes. And you’re more apt to pick it up in a first meeting than a second or third when “emotions get involved, and clear thinking diminishes,” she adds. Fortunately, first dates are great for spotting character, too. We polled experts and frequent daters to help you detect early tip-offs he’s got serious boyfriend potential. Here, wha...

By Julie Taylor Think about it: When your home is a mess, it’s impossible to find things, think clearly, or get anything done. Well, the same goes for your love life. If your dating landscape is cluttered with emotional baggage, hang-ups, and preconceived notions of how a relationship should happen, it will be impossible to find the very thing you’re searching for: Your ideal mate. So, since it’s the season for a little spring cleaning, we figured we’d offer some advice on how to get your amorous intentions in order, too. Heed this advice to dust off your dating habits and breathe fresh life into your search for love. Unpack your emotional baggage First, deal with any unfinished business: Are you still carrying a torch for an ex? You need to extinguish it before you can move on to a new relationship. “If you can get closure by talking to your ex, do it,” says Elizabeth Hurchalla, author of Getting Over Him . “If speaking with your ex is not a possibility, write him or her a letter—but ...

The relative success of every relationship you maintain in life hinges on communication. It is the foundation and bedrock of your bond with other people. Communication: Can it get any more basic than that? No. And as a result, you may assume that we are all experts in the field of good communication. Of course, such an assumption is false, and even absurd. Because as we well know, the most common relationship predicament, when you boil it down to the essence of the problem, is communication. We have difficulty with it and submit to almost unmanageable urges that compel us to act in a manner divergent from good relationship behavior. Men are the main offenders in this epidemic. We have that massive male ego to contend with for one, and an almost primordial instinct to "win" at every endeavor we partake in. Fight to the death When we unleash these typical male forces in the confines of our relationship, we blaze a trail of self-destruction. We start a pattern of dysfunction...