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Author of ‘How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World,’ says don't call him. TODAY books updated 3:13 p.m. ET Aug. 14, 2009 In her book "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World," author Jordan Christy says that women should be polite, well-spoken, gracious, charming and thoughtful — despite the images proliferated by wild celebutantes. In this excerpt, she writes that in order to find love, women should not pursue men. An excerpt. Let him come calling Turns out our mother was right—ladies shouldn’t make the first move. Let’s be honest, do you really want to have to tell your children, “That’s right, kids, I had to beat down your father’s door and constantly create diversions to get his attention! I sent multiple text messages, wore my shortest skirts, and practically threw myself at him before he noticed me. But don’t you worry, I eventually wore him down!” Of course not. We all want a guy to approach us, fall madly in love, and not be able to wait to call us. So how do you mak...

The relative success of every relationship you maintain in life hinges on communication. It is the foundation and bedrock of your bond with other people. Communication: Can it get any more basic than that? No. And as a result, you may assume that we are all experts in the field of good communication. Of course, such an assumption is false, and even absurd. Because as we well know, the most common relationship predicament, when you boil it down to the essence of the problem, is communication. We have difficulty with it and submit to almost unmanageable urges that compel us to act in a manner divergent from good relationship behavior. Men are the main offenders in this epidemic. We have that massive male ego to contend with for one, and an almost primordial instinct to "win" at every endeavor we partake in. Fight to the death When we unleash these typical male forces in the confines of our relationship, we blaze a trail of self-destruction. We start a pattern of dysfuncti...

by Steve Santagati Let's face it: We all want to look sexy sometimes. And whether you're into a vintage style, or the full-on va-va-voom, we have to wonder, what do guys notice? If you ever wanted to know about men's preferences—like whether your Manolos even register on his Richter scale—here's your definitive guide. In this excerpt from The Manual , you'll find out for sure what men find sexy. Attention to vanity will seem shallow at times, but in the game of love, it's very important. Most people I see are lazy in this department. And, not surprisingly, these are the same people who complain, saying things such as “People are so superficial,” “I want him to love me for what's inside ,” or “ I hate the gym .” Well, no one is telling you that you can't dress as you choose. But when you put those constraints on yourself, you're limiting the number of men who will find you attractive . In the end, meeting the right person is a numbers game, and part...

If men and women are truly equal, then men must stop bending over backwards in the pursuit of making women happy, right men? Relationships are increasingly full-fledged partnerships after all, so why should we be the only ones trying to make women happy? We want to be happy and boys just want to have fun as well, so here are 10 things that men look for in the pursuit of happiness and Ms. Perfect. Read the list and answer the question that all men deliberate: do we prefer a pretty face or a beautiful body? 10. Charm Remember that Seinfeld episode when Jerry went out with that stunning blonde babe who got him out of every bad situation (speeding ticket, etc.)? Well, maybe this occurred because she was a babe, but I think she had such power because she was charming. If a woman can make you smile, then she has the charm to get out of any situation and will prove to become quite an ally. Charm is what draws men to those women who are not as good-looking as the others in our black book. ...

Whether you are ten or eighty years old and whether you are in a committed relationship or not, you are never safe from a healthy crush. Having a crush on somebody is just another way of saying that you like somebody a little more than the average Joe. Most people will admit to having crushes on a famous athlete or a gorgeous celebrity, but sometimes we start to have crushes on people who are around us every day. Aside from writing your name and your crush’s name encircled in a big heart over and over again, what are some ways to know that you are crushing on somebody? 1) You go out of your way to see or hang out with that person. Maybe you have a crush on that cute waitress at the coffee shop and you go out of your way about fifteen miles everyday just to have coffee at that specific location despite the fact that there is another similar coffee shop minutes away from your front door. It is safe to say you have a crush. Naturally, when you start to like somebody, you want to see th...

Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it's to survive all life can throw at it. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall looks at the seven essentials that spell success. 1. Love yourself Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will. Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive. For tips on building confidence see the Improving confidence site. If you've had bad experiences in the past, it's worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be. 2. L...

For as long as there have been men and women, there have been dating and dating rituals . Being the sly hunters we are, men have built up a reservoir of knowledge and cunning over the millennia on how to successfully woo the ladies over the first few weeks of a courtship. There are many fish in the sea, and there are many baiting procedures you can use to reel them in. And though many women may be aware of some of our strategies, they surely don't know of all of them. Let's keep it that way, gentlemen. Keep these timeless secret dating tips under your hat and enjoy the learning process. 10. Wait three days before calling back The idea behind this dating rule of thumb is to make sure that your new squeeze doesn't think you're desperate to see her. And it's become a golden rule because it often works. Many women know the dating game, and want to see if their new man can play it. Prove that you can by keeping it cool, and resisting the urge to follow up on a meeting t...

By Robert W. Harris Don’t get me wrong: In general, men are in awe of women’s date-night conversation skills, which, hands down, are far superior to their own. Even so, though, you gals do still insert your stiletto’d foot in your mouth every once in awhile—or, conversely, miss prime opportunities to make a remark that would raise your stock in our eyes. Curious whether you’ve got the right choice phrases in your back pocket and whether you’re avoiding the bad ones? Check out this list of things guys love (and hate) to hear on a date for the lowdown. 5 things men love to hear on a date... “Then what happened?” It’s human: A man likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known nails in the coffin, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds. Actively egg him on with comments like, “You’re kidding! What happened next?” or “Go on...” That way, he’ll know you’re genuin...

By Michael and Tim Burke For the past few years, thanks to the breakthrough book He’s Just Not That Into You , women everywhere have been duly warned of all the ways men try to wiggle free from relationships without ever really saying so. Many single gals owe their sanity to this book, which taught them to stop wondering why he didn’t call and just accept the truth: that it wasn’t meant to be. Still, amidst all these downplayed expectations we got to wondering: Don’t women also want to know when guys are in hot pursuit? To that end, we’ve interrogated a small army of men (and some savvy women) to uncover some tell-tale signs he actually is that into you, whether you’ve just met or have been dating awhile. Read on for the good news. He can’t relax Keith Duncan, 31, wasn’t exactly excited to tell us this, but “There always seems to be a bit more pressure on me when I’m talking to a girl I really like. The room gets warm, I don’t feel as humorous as I usually am, and I keep hearing in...

By Nina Malkin Maybe in an alternate universe, women approach men by simply saying: “Hello! I find you ever so attractive and intriguing!” Not so much on this planet. Sure, some girls have sledgehammer flirting techniques and courting ploys, but most give off more subtle signals. And in case you’re wondering if one such lovely specimen is batting her eyes at you, here we slip you some tell-tale tip-offs. The power of touch Body language speaks volumes—and goes beyond the blatant hair toss. Shrugging the shoulders, flashing the wrists, massaging the neck and basically any kind of self-touching are all invitations to romance. “We stroke ourselves for two reasons,” says Tracey Cox, author of Superflirt . “To draw attention to a body part and to subconsciously tease the person watching.” So if she’s making you hot under the collar, it’s because she wants to—consider that a big green light. Girlish antics Dating may still feel like high school for good reason: Grown women can really regres...

Around 85 per cent of couples who just had their first dates remarked that before they were even introduced they were already sending signs of attention and interest to each other. These are couples that did not come from first dates, rather, tried to communicate first and see if they click. It usually begins when either one of them making contact with the eyes, a hint of interest floating in the air. The big question is: How does a girl find out if a guy is showing interest in her? Basically, that question is also answered by a set of questions. Is the guy responding when there is an attempt for conversation? Does he return back the smiles? Is he showing any flirtatious signs? Enough imagining the past girl, there are tell tale signs to look for to know if a guy has really the hots for a girl. A guy is interested in a girl if: He gazes at the girl’s eyes longer and more intently than he would when talking to others. The trick is to make eye contact for a short time, then...

Listen up, guys! Women love it when you: Own a pair of really nice shoes and actually wear them Brush the hair out of our eyes Are able to hold a baby or push a stroller without squirming Plan an evening out from soup to nuts, from finding a movie to making the dinner reservations Kiss creatively Handle our emotions with grace and compassion Have impassioned, informed opinions about women writers and women's issues Can distinguish between being courteous and being wimpy Know how to inscribe a card with a heartfelt, personal message Demonstrate respect for others by standing up when your mother comes to the table, giving up a seat on the bus for a pregnant woman, asking your dad for his opinion and really listening, etc. Show genuine, platonic interest in your female friends' lives Are playful around dogs, cats and kids Make the bed in the morning and fold the laundry -- competently Offer juice, soup and TLC when we're sick Do the come-from-behi...

If you've given up trying to understand the opposite sex on your own, why not go straight to the source for the real scoop? Check out these results of a nationwide survey for the irresistible answers to that age-old question: What attracts the opposite sex? What Women Need to Know: 20 Things Men Find Irresistible Listen up, ladies! Men love it when you: Have the ability to tease, be playful and take a joke Know that men are not, in fact, from Mars, and women are not from Venus Wear our T-shirts and boxers Call us out of the blue (if we're dating; not if we're practically strangers) Kiss creatively Have a social conscience and enjoy a good debate Have an easy-going attitude about watching or participating in athletic events occasionally Are comfortable leading the whole way in bed Ask for advice about non-stereotypically male stuff (yes, guys usually know what CD player to buy, but we like to be taken seriously about other things too) Are charming ...

by Sherry Argov You've heard that nice guys finish last, but what about nice girls? In this excerpt from her book Why Men Marry Bitches , author Sherry Argov reveals why men actually prefer a confident, secure woman (Argov's definition of the word bitch ) to one who lets her man take the reins in a relationship. She surveyed real men , who spilled exactly what makes or breaks their opinion of the women they meet — and it turns out that having your own life, making your own plans and not letting him win all the time only makes you more attractive. So who says being a "bitch" is a bad thing? Not these guys! Here's what they had to say: "The worst thing a woman can do is see a guy every night of the week. That's how she becomes his good-time girl on his 'reserve list.' What will happen is, the guy will start coming over at nine o'clock and then he'll leave by ten-thirty. If he gets access or what he wants from her anytime he wants it, he won...