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Author of ‘How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World,’ says don't call him. TODAY books updated 3:13 p.m. ET Aug. 14, 2009 In her book "How to be a Hepburn in a Hilton World," author Jordan Christy says that women should be polite, well-spoken, gracious, charming and thoughtful — despite the images proliferated by wild celebutantes. In this excerpt, she writes that in order to find love, women should not pursue men. An excerpt. Let him come calling Turns out our mother was right—ladies shouldn’t make the first move. Let’s be honest, do you really want to have to tell your children, “That’s right, kids, I had to beat down your father’s door and constantly create diversions to get his attention! I sent multiple text messages, wore my shortest skirts, and practically threw myself at him before he noticed me. But don’t you worry, I eventually wore him down!” Of course not. We all want a guy to approach us, fall madly in love, and not be able to wait to call us. So how do you mak...

Editor's Note: Have you ever been blindsided by a breakup? Well, we don't want that to ever happen to you again. That's why we're presenting you with these dating deal breakers, reasons he might break up with you, all-star dating advice from the guys at AskMen.com. Some of the dating deal breakers they list are obvious. Some aren't. But either way, it never hurts to keep dating tips and dating advice from guys in your back pocket. She doesn't back you up . As men, we tend to engage in a few questionable activities from time to time. We'll speak out of turn or end up putting our foot in our mouth on more than one occasion. The comment may be benign, or just a controversial opinion, but it's your opinion nevertheless and you're entitled to it. At which point the standoff becomes clear and your back is against the wall. Your girlfriend should be right there next to you against that wall. If she doesn't respect you enough to back you up in public w...

While dating a coworker might seem like a wild, adventurous thrill ride that could make an otherwise drab workweek that much more exciting, there are a few key factors to keep in mind before taking the plunge into an office romance. These points are critical, especially for those of you who are trying to advance your career in a small office environment. Size Matters A small- to medium-size office can be a potentially disastrous place to find oneself attracted to a female colleague. While falling for a coworker isn't necessarily advised in any office environment, this holds especially true in a small workplace where everyone is into everyone else's business — both personal and work-related. You are already in direct contact with her on a daily basis, you talk about life and work, you have coffee and perhaps the occasional lunch here and there, it's almost as if the early stages of the dating game have already been taken care of. To Leap or Not to Leap? But at wh...

The relative success of every relationship you maintain in life hinges on communication. It is the foundation and bedrock of your bond with other people. Communication: Can it get any more basic than that? No. And as a result, you may assume that we are all experts in the field of good communication. Of course, such an assumption is false, and even absurd. Because as we well know, the most common relationship predicament, when you boil it down to the essence of the problem, is communication. We have difficulty with it and submit to almost unmanageable urges that compel us to act in a manner divergent from good relationship behavior. Men are the main offenders in this epidemic. We have that massive male ego to contend with for one, and an almost primordial instinct to "win" at every endeavor we partake in. Fight to the death When we unleash these typical male forces in the confines of our relationship, we blaze a trail of self-destruction. We start a pattern of dysfuncti...

From highlights to heels, guys reveal what works--and what doesn't by Steve Santagati Let's face it: We all want to look sexy sometimes. And whether you're into a vintage style, or the full-on va-va-voom, we have to wonder, what do guys notice? If you ever wanted to know about men's preferences—like whether your Manolos even register on his Richter scale—here's your definitive guide. In this excerpt from The Manual , you'll find out for sure what men find sexy. Attention to vanity will seem shallow at times, but in the game of love, it's very important. Most people I see are lazy in this department. And, not surprisingly, these are the same people who complain, saying things such as “People are so superficial,” “I want him to love me for what's inside ,” or “ I hate the gym .” Well, no one is telling you that you can't dress as you choose. But when you put those constraints on yourself, you're limiting the number of men who will find you...

By Debra Kent You’re suddenly single after years of marriage or long term-relationship, and you’re wondering how you will navigate the murky waters of modern dating—especially when it comes to sex. You may discover that the rules have changed or, more to the point, there really are no rules. The landscape has changed too, with the advent of Internet dating, chat rooms, and concepts like “friends with benefits.” Whether you’re interested in casual sex or a serious relationship, it helps to know what your date is thinking. We polled the relationship experts for clues that your date or date-to-be has only one thing in mind—and it’s not a long-term relationship. Here are the top eight signals that someone’s only interested in sex. Use this info to decide how you want to proceed: Read between the lines. Online profiles can reveal much about a prospective date’s intentions, says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet . Watch f...

By Laura J. Schaefer Of all the endeavors you can pursue, dating can be one of the most enjoyable. It's entertaining, it provides companionship, and it can lead to lasting love and partnership. But as you decide whether you're ready to date, make sure you are doing it for the right reason: You have a full life that you'd like to share with another person. With that in mind, here are a few bad reasons to date … Your friends want you paired off: Just because your friends are married or coupled up doesn't mean you have to find "your other half." If they are pressuring you to date, be firm. You need to date because you want to, not because everyone else in your life thinks it's the thing to do. You can't stand to be alone: If you approach dating with the desperation of a person who is uncomfortable spending any time alone, you might not choose a suitable partner. Learn to enjoy your own company and that of your friends and family before embarking on new...

By Rachel Sarah When I entered the dating world again — as the 32-year-old single mom of a toddler — my time constraints and frumpy wardrobe weren’t the only things that stressed me out. It was also money. Dating can be expensive—even before you’ve said “hello” to a prospective mate. The monthly online dating fee was worth it, but it was already a stretch for me. How was I going to pay for dinner and a movie, too? Eager to get out, I was forced to be creative, and soon I discovered that even when your money is tight, it doesn’t mean you have to sit home alone and watch Grey’s Anatomy . Make that first date an unusual one Forget the expensive Italian restaurant or impressing your date with center row theater tickets. Doing something unusual can make it easier to socialize, and also take financial pressure out of the equation. According to Diane Mapes, the author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World , it’s especially important to keep first-date expenses down. “Money can be such a huge...

By Robert W. Harris Don’t get me wrong: In general, men are in awe of women’s date-night conversation skills, which, hands down, are far superior to their own. Even so, though, you gals do still insert your stiletto’d foot in your mouth every once in awhile—or, conversely, miss prime opportunities to make a remark that would raise your stock in our eyes. Curious whether you’ve got the right choice phrases in your back pocket and whether you’re avoiding the bad ones? Check out this list of things guys love (and hate) to hear on a date for the lowdown. 5 things men love to hear on a date... “Then what happened?” It’s human: A man likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known nails in the coffin, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds. Actively egg him on with comments like, “You’re kidding! What happened next?” or “Go on...” That way, he’ll know you’re genuin...

By Dave Singleton “Things were going great until she…”: That’s the refrain I heard when I asked guys what happens when they date a woman and then dump her. I’m not saying that women should bear the brunt of all breakups or feel as if they are to blame. My goal here is to illuminate the kind of behavior that most often turns a guy from happily dating toward thinking, “This isn’t going well….” Hear what they have to say, and see if you can gain a little insight into the male mind that can help you in future relationships. Miss Overly Dependent. “The first six months we dated, she took care of herself and did everything that she needed to do on her own,” says Tim, 33, of St. Louis. “Then she started asking me what I thought about everything. I understand some questions, but it was the daily stuff that I never got asked about before that bugged me. She wanted to know what she should pack for trips that we took, even though she’d already researched the weather and knew the itinerary. She ...

By Michael and Tim Burke For the past few years, thanks to the breakthrough book He’s Just Not That Into You , women everywhere have been duly warned of all the ways men try to wiggle free from relationships without ever really saying so. Many single gals owe their sanity to this book, which taught them to stop wondering why he didn’t call and just accept the truth: that it wasn’t meant to be. Still, amidst all these downplayed expectations we got to wondering: Don’t women also want to know when guys are in hot pursuit? To that end, we’ve interrogated a small army of men (and some savvy women) to uncover some tell-tale signs he actually is that into you, whether you’ve just met or have been dating awhile. Read on for the good news. He can’t relax Keith Duncan, 31, wasn’t exactly excited to tell us this, but “There always seems to be a bit more pressure on me when I’m talking to a girl I really like. The room gets warm, I don’t feel as humorous as I usually am, and I keep hearing in...

By Dave Singleton When it comes to sizing up our dates, don’t we all feel a little Seinfeld-ian from time to time? When I interviewed women for this article, I heard many, many complaints—from the universal, easily understood to the mystifyingly personal. Let me give you some samples: “He smoked.” “He wasn’t nice to the waiter.” “He put ketchup on his eggs—gross!” “His shoes were too pointy.” “His nose hair needed grooming.” “He looked like he’d be a slobbery kisser.” During those early dates, many of us turn into Jerry, Elaine and George, and nitpick our dates into obscurity. But after you’ve made it through the first few obstacles and dated him for a few months, what are the next series of “should we continue or not” hurdles you face? I discovered there are some common themes when it comes to why women give a guy a chance… and then give him the old heave-ho. Listen in as women share what turns Mr. Maybe into Mr. Not-If-You-Were-the-Last-Man-on-Earth: Mr. Bad Manners. “While eating ...