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Wondering if you've just met the perfect match? Here are some guidelines to help you decide if it's true love. After several dates, you feel you've found the perfect person. This is your dream mate , the one who will stand by you through thick and thin. You're ready to tie the knot at last. But is it love? Or is it a cheap imitation, like infatuation, lust, or even simple companionship ? Here are a few things to consider as you make the ultimate life-changing decision: 1. Do you want what's best for this person, or do you want what this person can do to help you? For example, if your mate has the chance to get a wonderful job in another city, are you willing to pull up stakes and move, or will you expect the job opportunity to get tossed aside for you? Love means putting the other person's needs ahead of your own, even when that involves sacrifice. While blind agreement to any difference of opinion is unrealistic and unreasonable, a thoughtful discussion of wh...

Every relationship needs a solid foundation if it's to survive all life can throw at it. Relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall looks at the seven essentials that spell success. 1. Love yourself Unless you love yourself, it's hard for you to believe that anyone else will. Self-esteem is important for a healthy relationship. When you truly like yourself, in spite of any failings and weaknesses you may have, you'll feel confident. And when you feel confident and secure within yourself, you can enjoy being with your partner for the joy they bring to your life, not because you feel you need them to survive. For tips on building confidence see the Improving confidence site. If you've had bad experiences in the past, it's worth working through these issues with a trusted friend or counsellor. It can be tempting to lean on your partner and rely on them for reassurance, but the stronger you are as an individual, the stronger and more equal your relationship will be. 2. L...

Want to know the secret? Motivational speaker and author Neen James shares her wisdom on how to nurture and protect those special relationships that are so important to our daily lives. Stay in touch with those you care for Make time to remind people they are special. Write a handwritten note occasionally, send an email, SMS message or phone them. If you find yourself short of time create a bulk catch-up email to family and friends letting them know what you have been doing and that you have been thinking of them. Make the most of how you spend your time Surround yourself with positive people who inspire you and don’t give your time away to those who you don’t enjoy being with. If you have a family or live with someone (i.e. partner or room mate), ask them this question each week: ‘What activities do you have planned this week?’ This will allow you to align your calendars, avoid frustrations and plan time together. Protect your relationships Don’t allow yourself to be in...

Finding your perfect match Most people have an idea of their 'type' when it comes to meeting someone new — tall, dark and handsome; slim, blonde and athletic; cuddly, friendly and reliable. These are all characteristics of the kind of person we are looking for, and usually take into account physical attributes, personality type and emotional traits. But what about the 'type' of relationship we are looking for? This could range from short-term commitment, to someone to grow old and dribbly with, and yet for most people, the importance of a match in this department is not fully considered until things are well established, relationship-wise. We've all heard stories of the seemingly perfect couple who, to everyone's surprise, go their separate ways after years of being together, because one wants kids and the other doesn't. Ever. Or the couple that splits because he wants more quality time with her, and she wants to spread her wings? Classic rela...

Are you having the romantic life you have always wanted…in your imagination ? Welcome to the club that has many members who feel and live exactly the way you do! Romance is always simple and carefree when it is being acted out in our imaginations. We can come up with the most unbelievable and breathtaking ideas and play scenes that make the best romantic movies look amateur. The only catch to all this however, is that they are developed in our fantasies and stay there , without ever actually taking place in our real lives. Why is that? Why is it so easy for us to fantasize about the most amazing romances, but can never find such romances that really exist? Does it just not happen? Is there no such thing? No, there is no such thing as a romantic dream come true…until you create its existence . That’s right, you carry the key that will open the magical door to making all of your romantic dreams come true. What did you expect to find out? That someday an invisible wand will be wav...

By Bob Strauss Before we talk about dating only hotties, let’s consider the animal kingdom for a moment: “The Egyptian vulture is a beautiful bird with white plumage and a yellow head. Yellow heads are very sexy among Egyptian vultures, the yellower the better. Unfortunately, the way they get those yellow heads is by eating the dung of other animals—sheep, goats, and cows. Which just goes to show, amazing looks might be a sign of an unsavory habit.” The next time you ogle that flawlessly beautiful specimen of female pulchritude at the coffee shop, consider these words of wisdom from Katherine Gould, author of A Tiger in the Bedroom: Lessons from Mother Nature’s Sex Shop: While it’s unlikely that the object of your affection has been feasting on you-know-what, focusing exclusively on her appearance may be a sign that you need to bring some higher brain functions — such as intelligence, intuition, and common sense — into play. How can you tell that you’re too obsessed with looks, over...

By Karen Salmansohn So, it finally happened. You lucked out and met someone you feel could be The One—versus the usual just another one. You’re excited. And with this exuberance comes the urge to run, not walk, into a serious commitment. You tell yourself if you feel this strongly, it must be real—so why fake otherwise? You’re not into playing games. But the truth is, you could be playing a big game with yourself if you rush your crush. Your rushing might not be fueled by sheer almighty desire—but by your need to control your partner and the relationship. And, here’s a Big Love Irony: Rushing love actually leads to less control—because often, when you rush that crush you’re more likely to crash that crush. Many people who move speedily into a relationship wind up scaring off a potential partner—or even unwittingly scaring off themselves. There’s also a Big Love Irony, Part 2: It doesn’t matter how fast you get somewhere if you’re heading in the wrong direction. Often when you rush a ...

By Margot Carmichael Lester So you’re playing the dating game and you’re ready to meet someone new. No problem. Work your network. Friends, colleagues, other single parents. Anyone you know might just know Mr. or Ms. Right. What? You don’t like asking for help? Get over it! “Remember how good you feel when you can help someone else?” asks personal coach Casey Dawes of Wise Woman Shining, a coaching service. It works both ways, pal. “People gain great satisfaction from being of service to others.” Now, here’s a list of expert tips to help you get started networking: Be bold. Holding back isn’t going to help you meet your match, so ask anyone you trust to give you a referral. “Don’t be embarrassed about asking someone to be on the lookout for a suitable partner for you,” asserts Advice Sister Alison Blackman Dunham, creator of the Advice Sisters’ Great Relationships online publications. “It’s not shameful or criminal to be in the dating game, and frankly, most people are flattered tha...

By Lisa Lombardi We’ve all had them—those “I can’t believe he did that!” moments on first dates. I once went on a dinner date with a guy who not only kept his cell phone on the table, but took a call from his mom during our meal. Another guy invited me out for coffee and asked for my share — all of $3 — when it was time to pay up. Of course, being the open-minded woman I am, I wrote them off as total psychopaths. But can you really read that much into first-date behavior? Just about, says Karen Sherman, Ph.D., a psychologist specializing in relationships in New York. “Everything you want to know about someone is there for you right at the beginning,” she notes. And you’re more apt to pick it up in a first meeting than a second or third when “emotions get involved, and clear thinking diminishes,” she adds. Fortunately, first dates are great for spotting character, too. We polled experts and frequent daters to help you detect early tip-offs he’s got serious boyfriend potential. Here, wha...

You've dated your fair share of women and have always enjoyed keeping your options open, but lately there's this one woman that has you wondering if she's " the one ." In order to help you figure this out, I have compiled the following list of the top 10 ways to know you're in love. 10. You've forgotten your ex More often than not, a breakup is followed by a significant amount of time spent thinking about your ex and wondering whether or not you made the right decision in going your separate ways. Depending on how long the two of you were together, these doubts can resurface again and again. Ever since you met this new one, however, the thought of getting back together with your ex is the furthest thing from your mind. Come to think of it, you barely recall what you found so great about her in the first place. 9. You can't stop thinking about her Instead, you are consumed by thoughts of her. She just pops into your head for no apparent reason, and y...

by Susan Swimmer Want to know whether your current Mr. Right could be your mate for life? In this excerpt from Is He the One? 101 Questions That Will Lead You to the Truth, Whatever That Is , author Susan Swimmer says the honest answers to a few key questions could help you find out. Here are 10 to get you started: 1. Does he think he's a lucky guy? You'd like to think that he is a man who understands that life is made up of part luck and part hard work, and that both elements will affect him at some point. A man who thinks himself lucky in any way is someone who radiates gratitude, which in turn creates an aura of joyousness. And that's all good. But what really matters is that, at the very least, he is a man who feels wildly fortunate to have you in his life, because a guy who feels that way will make sure you know you're adored. And how lucky is that? 2. Are his little faults things you can handle? Everyone is bugged by something. Does he drink directly from the cart...

Contrary to popular belief, most guys want to get married... eventually. It may take us longer to recognize the symptoms of marriageitis , but it's there nonetheless. Sharing our lives with one woman, having steady sex for life and the possibility of kids crosses our minds. Of course, this could all result from your woman's constant hinting at marriage. Hey, it's like Chris Rock says, "Women get married; men surrender." While you're chewing on that, have a look at the top 10 things that should alert you to the fact that you might want to "make an honest woman" out of your current belle. 10. You want to settle down Feeling like the pace of single life is too hectic? Do you look at your single friends as if they're all just running around pointlessly from party to party with no greater ambition than finding their next "lay"? More importantly, have you caught yourself contemplating whether there's something more ? There is, and your gu...

by Brenda Della Casa So, you want a boyfriend. You're sick of the singles scene and ready to move right past "Go" and settle down with someone who will carry you straight into your happily ever after. Well, hold it right there, Miss Antsy-Pants! Before you go tango into the sunset with Mr. Right, you've got to take a few spins around the dating dance floor with a few Mr. Right Nows. Dating different personality types is the most effective way to find out your likes, dislikes and deal breakers. In fact, spending time with the wrong guys — namely these five — can actually make you a better package when Mr. Fabulous comes along. Mr. Nice Romantic Guy He'll show up with flowers, leave cards around your apartment and quote Keats on a whim. Think old-fashioned courtship, where you're being wooed instead of sitting by the phone wondering if he'll call. Celebrity Counterparts: Cary Grant, Johnny Depp as Don Juan DeMarco What He'll Teach You: This a...

by J. Courtney Sullivan My friend Michelle and her on-again-off-again were off. Again. She complained that he just wasn't going to the right lengths to win her back. "I need a big gesture," she said. "I need roses. I need tears. I need Lloyd Dobler on the front lawn with a boom box." Another friend, Laura, had not met anyone even halfway decent in months, and was starting to wonder if her best friend, Tiny Tony ‑- a sweetheart who is unfortunately short, bald and bulbous ‑- might be the guy for her after all. "I've never been attracted to him or anything," she said. "But maybe it's a When Harry Met Sally situation." After almost 15 years as a faithful fan of romantic comedies, I've come to a painful conclusion: The movies we watch to supplement our love lives are actually sabotaging them. A lot of lip service has been paid to the idea that violence in films causes men to be violent in real life. Why isn't anyone calling for w...