Ways to avoid arguments in couplehood

Many arguments occur for the wrong reasons and get out of hand easily. This checklist by relationship psychotherapist Paula Hall can help you to avoid rows - when you next feel a conflict brewing, just ask yourself these questions.

Your feelings

1. Are you overreacting because you're tired and stressed?
2. Could the anger you feel be at someone or something else?
3. Are you hormonal at the moment and feeling unusually irritable or sensitive?
4. Is your mood being affected by illness?
   

Your partner's feelings

1. Could your partner be overreacting because they're tired or stressed?
2. Do you know that they're currently feeling angry about something else?
3. Is your partner either struggling with health issues or being affected by hormonal changes?

Your conscience

1. Are you feeling defensive about what your partner has said or done because you feel guilty?
2. Could you be feeling defensive because you want to avoid having to say you're sorry?
3. Are you bearing a grudge against your partner for something you need to let go of?
4. If you're going to raise an issue, are you sure this is the main thing that's bothering you? (See What are you really arguing about?)
5. If you're going to raise an issue, are you sure it's worth risking a potential argument?
6. If you're going to raise this issue, are you using the guidelines in Productive arguing?