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By Debra Kent You’re suddenly single after years of marriage or long term-relationship, and you’re wondering how you will navigate the murky waters of modern dating—especially when it comes to sex. You may discover that the rules have changed or, more to the point, there really are no rules. The landscape has changed too, with the advent of Internet dating, chat rooms, and concepts like “friends with benefits.” Whether you’re interested in casual sex or a serious relationship, it helps to know what your date is thinking. We polled the relationship experts for clues that your date or date-to-be has only one thing in mind—and it’s not a long-term relationship. Here are the top eight signals that someone’s only interested in sex. Use this info to decide how you want to proceed: Read between the lines. Online profiles can reveal much about a prospective date’s intentions, says Alyssa Wodtke, co-author of Truth, Lies, and Online Dating: Secrets to Finding Romance on the Internet . Watch f...

By Laura J. Schaefer Of all the endeavors you can pursue, dating can be one of the most enjoyable. It's entertaining, it provides companionship, and it can lead to lasting love and partnership. But as you decide whether you're ready to date, make sure you are doing it for the right reason: You have a full life that you'd like to share with another person. With that in mind, here are a few bad reasons to date … Your friends want you paired off: Just because your friends are married or coupled up doesn't mean you have to find "your other half." If they are pressuring you to date, be firm. You need to date because you want to, not because everyone else in your life thinks it's the thing to do. You can't stand to be alone: If you approach dating with the desperation of a person who is uncomfortable spending any time alone, you might not choose a suitable partner. Learn to enjoy your own company and that of your friends and family before embarking on new...

By Rachel Sarah When I entered the dating world again — as the 32-year-old single mom of a toddler — my time constraints and frumpy wardrobe weren’t the only things that stressed me out. It was also money. Dating can be expensive—even before you’ve said “hello” to a prospective mate. The monthly online dating fee was worth it, but it was already a stretch for me. How was I going to pay for dinner and a movie, too? Eager to get out, I was forced to be creative, and soon I discovered that even when your money is tight, it doesn’t mean you have to sit home alone and watch Grey’s Anatomy . Make that first date an unusual one Forget the expensive Italian restaurant or impressing your date with center row theater tickets. Doing something unusual can make it easier to socialize, and also take financial pressure out of the equation. According to Diane Mapes, the author of How to Date in a Post-Dating World , it’s especially important to keep first-date expenses down. “Money can be such a huge...

By Chelsea Kaplan Have your past relationships left you with enough emotional baggage to fill an entire airplane? If so, it’s time to let go of it before your next relationship crashes and burns, says Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., the host of Detroit’s popular “Love Doctor” live television and radio programs. Below, find her tips on how to lighten your load: Don’t despair—you are not alone Though you may feel like the only person out there with unhealed scars from previous breakups, everyone else has ’em, too. “All people have some amount of baggage associated with past relationships,” says Dr. Orbuch. “It’s the amount of baggage that matters.” While it’s normal to occasionally compare past relationships with your present one, if you find yourself comparing every behavior and quality of a new date to your old flame, it is time to deal with the past, she says. Once you’ve done so, you’ll be able to move forward without the need to constantly revisit the past. Forge new memories All couples hav...

By Robert W. Harris Don’t get me wrong: In general, men are in awe of women’s date-night conversation skills, which, hands down, are far superior to their own. Even so, though, you gals do still insert your stiletto’d foot in your mouth every once in awhile—or, conversely, miss prime opportunities to make a remark that would raise your stock in our eyes. Curious whether you’ve got the right choice phrases in your back pocket and whether you’re avoiding the bad ones? Check out this list of things guys love (and hate) to hear on a date for the lowdown. 5 things men love to hear on a date... “Then what happened?” It’s human: A man likes to think that his life is reasonably interesting. And while interrupting him, changing the subject, or acting bored are well-known nails in the coffin, it’s not enough to just sit there, smile, and say, “Uh-huh” every few seconds. Actively egg him on with comments like, “You’re kidding! What happened next?” or “Go on...” That way, he’ll know you’re genuin...

By Dave Singleton “Things were going great until she…”: That’s the refrain I heard when I asked guys what happens when they date a woman and then dump her. I’m not saying that women should bear the brunt of all breakups or feel as if they are to blame. My goal here is to illuminate the kind of behavior that most often turns a guy from happily dating toward thinking, “This isn’t going well….” Hear what they have to say, and see if you can gain a little insight into the male mind that can help you in future relationships. Miss Overly Dependent. “The first six months we dated, she took care of herself and did everything that she needed to do on her own,” says Tim, 33, of St. Louis. “Then she started asking me what I thought about everything. I understand some questions, but it was the daily stuff that I never got asked about before that bugged me. She wanted to know what she should pack for trips that we took, even though she’d already researched the weather and knew the itinerary. She ...

By Michael and Tim Burke For the past few years, thanks to the breakthrough book He’s Just Not That Into You , women everywhere have been duly warned of all the ways men try to wiggle free from relationships without ever really saying so. Many single gals owe their sanity to this book, which taught them to stop wondering why he didn’t call and just accept the truth: that it wasn’t meant to be. Still, amidst all these downplayed expectations we got to wondering: Don’t women also want to know when guys are in hot pursuit? To that end, we’ve interrogated a small army of men (and some savvy women) to uncover some tell-tale signs he actually is that into you, whether you’ve just met or have been dating awhile. Read on for the good news. He can’t relax Keith Duncan, 31, wasn’t exactly excited to tell us this, but “There always seems to be a bit more pressure on me when I’m talking to a girl I really like. The room gets warm, I don’t feel as humorous as I usually am, and I keep hearing in...

By Dave Singleton When it comes to sizing up our dates, don’t we all feel a little Seinfeld-ian from time to time? When I interviewed women for this article, I heard many, many complaints—from the universal, easily understood to the mystifyingly personal. Let me give you some samples: “He smoked.” “He wasn’t nice to the waiter.” “He put ketchup on his eggs—gross!” “His shoes were too pointy.” “His nose hair needed grooming.” “He looked like he’d be a slobbery kisser.” During those early dates, many of us turn into Jerry, Elaine and George, and nitpick our dates into obscurity. But after you’ve made it through the first few obstacles and dated him for a few months, what are the next series of “should we continue or not” hurdles you face? I discovered there are some common themes when it comes to why women give a guy a chance… and then give him the old heave-ho. Listen in as women share what turns Mr. Maybe into Mr. Not-If-You-Were-the-Last-Man-on-Earth: Mr. Bad Manners. “While eating ...

By Nina Malkin Maybe in an alternate universe, women approach men by simply saying: “Hello! I find you ever so attractive and intriguing!” Not so much on this planet. Sure, some girls have sledgehammer flirting techniques and courting ploys, but most give off more subtle signals. And in case you’re wondering if one such lovely specimen is batting her eyes at you, here we slip you some tell-tale tip-offs. The power of touch Body language speaks volumes—and goes beyond the blatant hair toss. Shrugging the shoulders, flashing the wrists, massaging the neck and basically any kind of self-touching are all invitations to romance. “We stroke ourselves for two reasons,” says Tracey Cox, author of Superflirt . “To draw attention to a body part and to subconsciously tease the person watching.” So if she’s making you hot under the collar, it’s because she wants to—consider that a big green light. Girlish antics Dating may still feel like high school for good reason: Grown women can really regres...

By Gilda Carle, Ph.D. Most of us — even the not-so-jealous types — know that feeling of, “Is my sweetheart really working late… or could this person be two-timing me?” I’ve counseled many individuals dealing with this concern, so let me share my knowledge with you about the signs that someone is cheating (or seriously contemplating it). Use this information and insight—and either stop worrying or have a serious talk with your partner! Sign #1: Your sweetie keeps you a secret from his/her family & friends Cheaters keep you in the dark while they play in the light. Your relationship won’t work if you’re getting what I call the Shadow Treatment. The Shadow Treatment means that you are often kept waiting in the wings while your mate is out socializing. Think about it: Are there gatherings of friends, family reunions or workplace parties that you are not invited to? Do you only meet some of your honey’s network of friends? If you are kept on the sidelines, there’s probably a good reaso...

By Bob Strauss Despite what you’ve been taught in school, that small voice in the back of your mind isn’t necessarily your conscience—it may be the last fully functioning piece of your brain, desperately trying to tell you that the guy or gal you’ve been seeing isn’t even close to being your soul mate. As unwelcome as this conclusion is, isn’t it better to come to it by yourself rather than being lectured about it by an expert? No? Well, in that case, read on for a list of signs that it’s time to get back into the trenches and continue that trudge toward true love. Your date is devoted to another. “On a regular basis, he spoke to his mother more than he did to me,” says Bethany from Minneapolis. “He talked to her every day, and then he would compare me to her. She has him on such a short leash that he hasn’t ever made a major decision without her!” Your date overspends, and you’re stingy. “If she shops to make herself feel good, and he feels better when money is saved for the future...

By Karen Salmansohn Throughout the ages, there’s been one question that has consistently stumped even the wisest of prophets and gurus: “How do you know when it’s love... and how do you know when you should dump the chump?” I say: Don’t waste precious time-ticking-time with the wrong partner! Here’s a list of relationship-clarifying questions to better serve daters who are newly head-over-heels... So you can suss out sooner versus later if you’ve found the love of your life—or if you should run for your life! Good looks fade. But a bad personality is forever. If you took away the physical attraction and hot sex, would you still want to be friends with this person? Does your new partner tell you outright that he or she is not ready to be in a serious relationship? If so, listen up! What you hear is what you get! You need at least one VERY to fall in love. For example, it helps if your honey is VERY smart, or VERY good-looking, VERY caring or VERY funny, etc. Basically, you need to s...