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BY BETH WHIFFEN Cosmo uncovers the secret body-language clues that reveal your dude's deepest desires ‑- almost instantly. Mention the words sharing and feelings in the same sentence and most guys ‑- yes, even if they're super comfortable with you ‑- will run to the nearest sports bar, where they can avoid using modern language entirely. "Men are taught to stifle emotion, so they often have trouble verbalizing their thoughts and feelings," explains psychologist Alon Gratch, Ph.D., author of If Men Could Talk. But lucky for you, even if your guy won't open up, his mug will give him away. "The face is considered the most expressive body part because its muscles are linked to the emotional centers in the brain," says anthropologist David B.Givens, Ph.D., author of Love Signals. "The slightest shift in mood registers as a specific facial gesture, making it extremely difficult to conceal one's true feelings." Learn to decode these uncons...

by Susan Campbell, PhD Want your guy to take care of dinner once in a while? Want him to help you get some time to yourself? That doesn't sound like too much to ask. So why do we all have such a tough time asking? In this excerpt from her book Saying What's Real: 7 Keys to Authentic Communication and Relationship Success , Susan Campbell, PhD, explains that being assertive and diplomatic isn't as difficult as we think: Why We Don't Say What We Want Some people are uncomfortable expressing wants because they imagine they'll appear demanding or controlling. ("What if I ask for what I want, and he sees me as a nag?") But my clients and I are discovering that expressing wants can be an act of transparency or vulnerability. It really depends on the intent. Are you asking in a way that reveals what you want? Or does your manner of asking imply a threat that if you don't get what you want, there's going to be trouble? Asking in a way that rev...

by Sherry Amatenstein When looking at the man in your life, do you ever grumble to yourself, "What's wrong with him? He never brings flowers or does anything romantic"? Or "He drives me crazy with all the hearts and flowers stuff"? Believe it or not, the problem may not be your guy at all. Really! If you're unsatisfied with your main man, it could be as simple as this: Your guy is a great guy but he may not be the right great guy for you . The first step toward finding the best kind of lover for you figuring out what kind of lover you are. To get in touch with yourself, list everything from your fantasies (Brad Pitt at the door) to the qualities you prefer in a partner (someone who calls twice a day, not once a week) to the sort of relationship you're looking for (casual, marriage, etc.). And just for fun, take a look at my dating guide . Sure, I'm basically kidding here, but it just might help you figure out what your love style is -- and...

by Dr. Kevin Leman Did you know that your birth order can affect your relationship? Find out which marriage combinations work best -- and how yours compares -- in this excerpt from The Birth Order Connection now. BEST BIRTH ORDER MARRIAGES Only child and youngest; first-born and youngest; middle child and youngest: Gender plays a role here as well. If you want the absolute best match, it's female only or first-born marrying a male youngest child who has older sisters. The last born with older sisters is going to be the sort of person who brings out the maternal instinct in women, and the oldest sister is likely to have great maternal urges. The young man has grown up with girls who have doted on him, cared for him, and generally treated him like one of their cuddly toys. This is the same sort of treatment he seeks in a wife, and the best place he'll find it is with an oldest sister. The match works both ways. The first-born needs someone to show her pleasures of sunsets,...

by Sherry Amatenstein -- Excerpted from Love Lessons from Bad Breakups It's one thing to be aware that you have negative romantic patterns you continually repeat; another entirely to actually stop those self-defeating behaviors . The good news: With will and work, change is possible. I picked the brains of a variety of leading therapists and experts to provide you with tips that prove an old dog can learn new tricks: Take a Cue from Gloria Gaynor. Whether or not there is a partner at your side, you will survive. Making it though a breakup without cracking up (at least not permanently) gives you an underbelly of strength. It may not yet be of industrial-strength size proportions but it's a start. To coin another lyric associated with a pop culture icon, once you emotionally own that you're gonna make it after all you no longer need a lover to make you feel whole. Ergo you no longer need to act in the old self-defeating ways. Dr. Alma Halbert Bond, PhD, author of I Marrie...

by Jane Nahirny, provided by Divorce Magazine Over the past 25 years, attitudes toward second marriages have been tempered by society's growing acceptance of divorce. Anne, a 32-year-old woman who has plans of her own to marry a divorced man with children, remembers her mother's remarriage in the mid-1970s: "There was no such thing as family counseling. There were no books for children about divorce or stepfamilies. We were expected to just 'get along' with our new sisters and brothers -- but let me tell you, we were no Brady Bunch!" While the divorce rate in stepfamilies is higher than that in nuclear families, Dr. Peter Marshall, author of Cinderella Revisited: How to Survive Your Stepfamily Without a Fairy Godmother , says that there are two points that need to be made: "The first is that this risk decreases after the first three years; it's the early phase of stepfamily development that seems to place particular strain on the marriage ... The seco...

by Compiled by Ilana Arazie "I find myself missing him less each day and I find that the days are passing much more quickly. Am I over him? I doubt it, but I'm on the right track." -- jleyritz Whether you were dating for a few months, in a long-term relationship or married, breaking up is hard to do. The good news is that life does get better. Eventually, you will be able to get out of your robe, lose the boxes of Kleenex and watch reruns of Mad About You without breaking down in tears. Many of our members know exactly how you feel right now. Read their tips on getting over him and getting on with your life. 1. Get it all out "Cry, scream and feel sorry for yourself. Wallow in self-pity. However, one day while you are wallowing you will suddenly say, 'Hey I don't feel like wallowing anymore today. I feel better.' And the next day you will feel better and each day after that you will feel even better. Soon, something amazing happens, you rediscover your sm...

by Sherry Amatenstein It's been months since your breakup and your heart's still in a million pieces? You're finding it difficult to eat (or stop eating), sleep, work or think about anything except "How could he leave ... what's wrong with me?" If this pathetic picture nails you to a lovesick T, here's advice for checking out of Heartbreak Hotel. 1. Let it out, then let it go. Vent, cry, tell your friends for the 15th time how he worshipped the adorable curl of your upper lip. If you don't let your emotions out, they'll fester inside, and so will the louse's memory. So allow yourself one last good wallow. Then stop . Need some affection? Get a substitute object to cuddle. A cute puppy can go a long way toward helping you forget a guy who was a dog. 2. Retrain your heart. You will truly forget your ex once you can literally see him in a new, hunk-free light. It's called creative visualization -- imagining scenes th...

[Editor's note: Why does it always seem like women mourn relationships for weeks while men just pick themselves up, brush themselves off and move on? Well, it turns out that's not the case after all. In fact, when it comes to breaking up, men get just as bent out of shape as we do. So check out this article from AskMen.com for the secrets of male post-breakup behavior. And while you're at it, use these time-tested guy tricks to get over your own heartbreak faster!] Your sweetie ended it, that heartless girl. Now your future is in shambles. You feel the need to panic and beg for her back. You'll do anything to make things right. But no matter how you try, you can't get back to that little spot of sunlight where you were so comfortable and safe. There's only one thing left for you to do: Forget her. I know it's not as easy as it sounds, but with this blueprint, you'll forget that girl and pick up the pieces of your shattered heart — and manhood — in no ti...

by Sandra Ann Miller Breakups aren't just upsetting — sometimes they can literally turn your life upside down. It's hard to eat; it's hard to sleep; and it's hard to think clearly. In this excerpt from her book, A Girlfriend's Guide to Getting Over Him , author Sandra Ann Miller lays down the law for the brokenhearted. She has created 10 essential ground rules to prevent the recently jilted from making the most common breakup mistakes. So if you're puffy-eyed and couch-bound (or know someone who is) print out these ground rules immediately. Read them, repeat them and live by them until he's totally out of your system — and trust us, eventually, he will be! Before we go any further, you need to make some promises to yourself . Raise your hand and repeat after me... I, (state your name), do, hereby, solemnly swear that I will not behave in the manner of a crazy ex-girlfriend. I will not participate in foolish or destructive behavior . I promise to act in a d...

In the realm of male-female communication, there are certain topics most of us recognize as single-sex only. We'll spare you the details about the comeback the Jets made, and you spare us the details about Ethan, the ex who was so well-hung his penis had a nickname for him. This approach ensures that nobody gets bored, and nobody gets pissed off. But love isn't that simple. Fact is, there are other, less obvious subjects that men wish you'd reserve for your girlfriends. If you're wooing a guy, never bring up the following five "turnoff topics." Turnoff Topic 1 All The Cute Things Your Pet Does. We think of pets as noble beasts, as partners in adventure. Which makes it disturbing when you start talking baby talk to them. "Nipsy, wipsy. Your mommy loves you, oh, yes she does." Coddling a pet makes men suspect that your ideal companion is completely dependent upon you for food, lets you dress him up in colorful wool sweaters, and can be castrated if ...

by Dr. Brenda Shoshana What are the secrets of effective communication? How do we truly get what we want while also giving our partners what they need? Let's look at the top three communication problems that most couples have -- and see how they can be solved right here. Pitfall 1: Communicating to Manipulate Sometimes we communicate solely for the purpose of getting what we want, when we want it, whether the other person is able to give it or not. We sulk, pout, threaten, cajole or do whatever we can to make the other person feel bad. This kind of communication, however temporarily effective it may be, has a terrible effect on the long-term health of any relationship . Give it up. Respect what the other person has to offer. If they cannot give what you want to you, see if you can give it to yourself. Pitfall 2: Communicating to Deceive Needless to say, this is one of the most dangerous kinds of communication, one that destroys many relationships. Lies, exaggerations, g...

by Dr. Brenda Shoshanna Based on Zen and the Art of Falling in Love Have you ever thought about the way you take off your shoes? Do you just toss them aside? What if you paid attention to the way you do this every day? According to the principles of Zen, the simple exercise of paying attention to the way you do things -- like taking off your shoes -- can teach you important things about yourself, and in turn, give you a richer, fuller life. That's because Zen is about opening your heart, clearing your mind, becoming present and being exactly who you are. These are also the secrets of falling in love. If you're tired of being single or struggling with the same relationship issues again and again, it's time to learn more about who you really are, what you're expecting in a relationship and how opening up your mind can help you find lasting love. Get started with one of these six exercises from Zen and the Art of Falling in Love : Look at the one right...

...and how you can steal his sparring tactics Regardless of the type of man you are — strong with bold opinions, moderate with no taste for confrontation or passive with a gelatinous backbone — guess what? Unless you're made of wood, you are going to be dating, you are going to get into arguments, and the expectation (at least from the female perspective) is that you are going to lose those argumen ts. Any type of man could, at any time, find himself in any kind of an argument. Maybe your pants were off when they really should have been on. Perhaps you zigged when you should have zagged, or, despite your best intentions, you just spoke out of turn. The trick to saving face in a fight is to always be prepared. You wouldn't go out for a night on the town without some cash and a pressed shirt, would you? So why would you head into a relationship battle without your best artillery? There are rules to follow. Nobody wants to be that guy in the corner getting a lecture from his b...