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by by Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph.D. When adultery shatters their relationship, both partners lose something. The betrayed feel as if they will never be able to trust or love wholeheartedly again. The betrayers feel they will never again find such flawless, undemanding love. Both sides must mourn these losses before they can change and move on. Like any grief, the sorrow for a dead relationship goes through stages: denial, anger, guilt and acceptance. All stages must be experienced before couples can find forgiveness and rebirth. The process requires great courage, determination and stamina nor--nobr but the reward is lasting Real-Life-Love. You cannot ignore or obliterate these feelings. You cannot forgive and reform your life while you are ruled by resentment, bitterness and hurt. You can't deny your emptiness, although a sad number of people try to do so. What the Deceived Must Do to Heal Allow yourself to grieve for your old untarnished relationship. What the Betrayer Must Do t...

by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., with Jean Coppock Staeheli Excerpted from NOT "Just Friends" After infidelity has entered a marriage, questions about specific details are frequently an entryway into a deeper story. For example, questions about what gifts or cards were exchanged are really probing for how invested the unfaithful partner was in the affair -- emotionally and financially. One unfaithful wife and her affair partner made cassette tapes for each other with special love songs. Although it was extremely painful for the betrayed husband to listen to the romantic words of the songs, it helped him realize why it was so hard for his wife to let go of the affair. He was also shaken by what he had neglected. Ultimately, he was inspired to bring more romance back into their marriage. The following 10 questions will guide your exploration of the circumstances of the infidelity and the meaning behind it. Some of them are questions I use in my clinical practice to bring a slightly ...

by by Bonnie Eaker Weil, Ph. D. Heart attacks are not always fatal -- and neither is adultery. Cardiac patients can survive and even thrive, once they find a healthier way of living. After an affair, a couple can do the same by finding a healthier way of loving. I know how wrenching adultery can be, because I watched it nearly tear apart my own family. I also know from my own experience, both personal and professional, that adultery can be a forgivable sin. Fidelity is not a guarantee that love persists, nor is infidelity a sign that love has faded or died. In fact, adultery can even be a way -- albeit dysfunctional -- to try and stabilize a floundering relationship. Why is adultery so frightening and yet so fascinating? In part because we recognize the appeal of it. We grew up in triangles, competing for our mother's attentions with our father and our siblings, and vice versa. That taught us, deep inside, to be terrified of abandonment and to resent sharing. We never quite ...

Heart attacks are not always fatal -- and neither is adultery. Cardiac patients can survive and even thrive, once they find a healthier way of living. After an affair, a couple can do the same by finding a healthier way of loving. I know how wrenching adultery can be, because I watched it nearly tear apart my own family. I also know from my own experience, both personal and professional, that adultery can be a forgivable sin. Fidelity is not a guarantee that love persists, nor is infidelity a sign that love has faded or died. In fact, adultery can even be a way -- albeit dysfunctional -- to try and stabilize a floundering relationship. Why is adultery so frightening and yet so fascinating? In part because we recognize the appeal of it. We grew up in triangles, competing for our mother's attentions with our father and our siblings, and vice versa. That taught us, deep inside, to be terrified of abandonment and to resent sharing. We never quite give up on the childish fantasy...