[ dReamyComposuRe ]

by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., with Jean Coppock Staeheli Excerpted from NOT "Just Friends" After infidelity has entered a marriage, questions about specific details are frequently an entryway into a deeper story. For example, questions about what gifts or cards were exchanged are really probing for how invested the unfaithful partner was in the affair -- emotionally and financially. One unfaithful wife and her affair partner made cassette tapes for each other with special love songs. Although it was extremely painful for the betrayed husband to listen to the romantic words of the songs, it helped him realize why it was so hard for his wife to let go of the affair. He was also shaken by what he had neglected. Ultimately, he was inspired to bring more romance back into their marriage. The following 10 questions will guide your exploration of the circumstances of the infidelity and the meaning behind it. Some of them are questions I use in my clinical practice to bring a slightly ...

By Matthew Fitzgerald You're the man -- you've finally worked up the nerve to ask out your potential Miss Right. And there she is, right over there. It's now or never. You take a step in her direction... ... and suddenly your pits are dripping like springtime in a rain forest, your heart is flip-flopping like a dying fish and your stomach is churning out enough acid to melt steel. Chill, dude. You know you can't back down now. You drag your feet to her side. From somewhere, you hear yourself asking those fateful words: "Would you like to go out sometime?" "No." What? She said, "No." You trudge away, eyes on the floor, praying that no one has witnessed your public humiliation. Rejection sucks . Unfortunately, despite all the shrill female demands in our society for "equal rights," the burden of asking for the date still sits squarely on the shoulders of the male. It still remains the guy's responsibility to risk getting his ...

If we consider the history of the institution of marriage, all of us would agree that it started at the time of creation itself. Man and woman are different both biologically and in mental makeup. However, the creation would not continue if man and woman do not come together. The physical and emotional needs unite man and woman and marriages take place. Till the beginning of the twentieth century, joint families and lifetime single marriages were quite prevalent. Divorces were few and far in between. However, things started changing as more and more women took up careers and achieved financial independence. The dependence of women on men declined and even small disagreements were magnified to a large extent that they were considered to be impinging on the individuality. Let us consider the top 15 reasons why couples break up. Desire to be independent. Getting attracted to another person. Infidelity. Physical incompatibility. Less attracted...

by Robert Hetrick, Ph.D. Have you been hurt by violent words? Most of us have. When verbally assaulted, we recoil, and sometimes, we counter attack. We perceive the attack as coming from outside ourselves. But, in truth, the attack also comes from within. It comes from the meanings we add to the speaker's words. Someone once said, "We have met the enemy, and he is us!" When we are hurt, or upset by other's words, we must look to ourselves as "self-abusers." It doesn't feel this way when we are accosted, but give me a couple of minutes to tell you how self-inflicted pain works in this situation. This article seeks to convince you that the ultimate cause of your reaction to other's lack of kindness, is you. And, if you "buy" my pitch, you just might quit wasting time and energy blaming another for your hurt, anger, or sadness when they speak cruelly. Then you will be freed to figure out how you let someone get to you....

by Patricia Pitta Ph.D., A.B.P.P., Family Psychologist, Diplomate in Family Psychology Stop Blaming the "Other" Solve Your Relationship Problems The marital relationship is a tug of war for power and control. When one member of the relationship is more dominant or doesn't permit the expression for the self or the other, the relationship will experience a halt in emotional growth of the individuals and the couple will begin to experience disappointment, fear, and worry. Anger will become the predominant emotion which will envelop the relationship leaving the couple with a sense of utter despair, confusion and just feeling hopeless. At this point, many couples think about leaving the relationship because they just can't understand and work with the dynamics in the relationship and can't tolerate their conflicted feelings. The impulse to run away is paramount, but the reality is you can not run away from yourself. It is essential that you know...

by Christine Longmore Many people subscribe to the thinking that fighting is a normal part of any relationship. The existence of sayings that describe different types of "normal fighting" is proof in itself that we accept fighting as a part of life. Sibling rivalry, lover's quarrels and family disputes are all the result of basic human nature. Assuming this to be true, you might say to yourself, "OK that may be true but where do I draw the line between normal fighting and irreconcilable differences?" What is the difference between a fight and an argument? Can people really agree to disagree? In a perfect world maybe. For most people -- couples in particular -- agreeing to disagree can sometimes be a diplomatic way of describing a stand off. There is hope though. By trying a few of the following basic strategies, you can deal with differences, hurt feelings and other common problems that often lead to fights. The first main ingredient for taking ...

High-maintenance women. A reader actually asked, "Why don't you write a Top 10 Signs She Is Not High-Maintenance since all women are high-maintenance?" Funny stuff; the man does have a point, so I guess we will hit you with that one later. In the meantime, enjoy this one and discover whether or not you're dating a high-maintenance woman. 10. She's unfair She asks you to drive her somewhere, and you get yelled at for being stuck in traffic. You go for a walk, and she gets peeved because it starts to rain. You stop by to surprise her with pizza, but she blasts you for not getting burgers. 9. She's daddy's girl She has never earned anything in her life; she was born with a silver spoon in her mouth and requires the help of servants to remove it. Her idea of protection is the insurance clauses on her daddy's platinum card. 8. Going out is like the countdown to eternity Going out for a night on the town should be more fun than this, but you must give...

Cosmo uncovers the nonverbal clues that reveal whether a man is telling the whole truth and nothing but . . . or lying through his teeth. Bites His Lower Lip Liar look: He bites down on his lower lip. The lowdown: "When a man gnaws, tightens or sucks his lips inward, you know he's not telling you the whole truth," says body-language expert Jan Hargrave, author of Let Me See Your Body Talk . "He's physically fighting to hold back confessing the full story." Crosses Extremities Liar look: He crosses his arms, legs or ankles. The lowd own: "As children, we cross our fingers as we tell a lie to let our conscience off the hook," says Hargrave. "As grown-ups, we have a similar protective reflex. We subconsciously close ourselves off physically by intertwining our limbs." Rubs His Eye Liar look: He uses his index finger to rub the outside corner of his right or left eye. The lowdown...

BY MYATT MURPHY Nothing is more upsetting than when a dude you damn well know is into you pulls the plug. One man gets to the bottom of out-of-the-blue breakups. Chances are, you've had at least one breakup that left you wondering, "What the hell just happened?" The guy dug you, you dug him, and the whole thing felt destined for a fabulous future -- at least the foreseeable one. Then, out of nowhere, he bailed on the relationship. So what went wrong? The sad truth is, maybe nothing. Here are five completely ridiculous reasons guys kick you to the curb. Warning: For the most part, it ain't pretty. The Timing Is Off Women get serious when they meet the right man. Men get serious with whomever we happen to be dating when we're finally ready to settle down. That means after every other aspect of our life is in order -- whether it's finishing grad school, finally pulling down a good-size paycheck, owning a car outright -- or when our friends start dropping like...

By Chelsea Kaplan You’ve probably heard that men cheat for physical reasons, women for emotional reasons. Sure, there’s some truth to that, but when we asked real women around the country to share why they strayed from their boyfriends, we learned they had a whole host of explanations—from bad kissing to sheer revenge. Read on for the truth about why women have given in to temptation. Reason #1: There’s no passion “I had been with John for about three years—he was a really nice guy, and I enjoyed being with him, but there wasn’t a ton of passion. Most everyone we knew had gotten engaged, and though John would have proposed in a second, whenever he brought it up, I’d change the subject. I took a trip to Australia for work, and while I was gone, I got together with a co-worker to whom I’d always been insanely attracted. I had a fantastic trip, probably because for the first time in a long time I experienced that excitement I’d been missing. I broke up with John soon after I returned home...

By Chelsea Kaplan Sometimes, when the going gets tough, the tough get it on with someone else. But what really makes men stray? A nagging girlfriend? Bad sex? An escape from loneliness? Yes, yes and yes. Hear why these men slipped away from their girlfriends and landed in someone else’s bed. Then — whether you’re a guy or a girl — use the info below to sidestep this kind of situation in your love life. Reason #1: For payback “I once cheated on my girlfriend after I saw on her cell phone that she had been text-messaging with her ex. They were pretty harmless messages, but it angered me that she had been communicating with him in the first place—I’d always thought they were a little too chummy. That night, I was out with friends and had a lot to drink. I got so worked up about those messages that I pretty much made it my mission to find another girl and hook up with her, which I did. I think it was a payback thing. We eventually broke up, but not because of that incident — I never told h...

By Bob Strauss So it’s your third date, and you’re starting to suspect that the person you’ve been making googly eyes at all night may not be telling the entire truth. To start with, your date was an hour late, which was blamed on traffic coming into town. Next, whenever you ask about previous relationships, this person nervously checks the time and changes the subject. Finally, your date is wearing a striped prison uniform, and you just know this person has to have at least one other outfit to choose from. OK, just kidding about that last point, but this is a serious (and surprisingly common) situation that merits some hard-headed advice. We asked Martha Stout, author of the best-selling The Sociopath Next Door , about what to do when you suspect your date is lying. Here’s what she had to say: Forget what you’ve seen on TV. The plots of countless crime shows notwithstanding, Stout says, “even trained psychologists are very bad at discerning the moment when someone is telling a lie.”...

Our interactions with women are as organic as the cosmos -- we chat them up in the grocery store, we flirt in the mall, we talk over the information superhighway, and we invite them into our lives as girlfriends, conquests and objects of our affection. Some women are of the free variety -- free to act, free to think and, most importantly, free of a sordid history that may be putting up emotional roadblocks. They are the women we men can learn to be more brazen from. Others are of the reserved variety -- reserved with their actions and their opinions, reserved as to the limits of their adventuresome spirit, and reserved with their displays of affection. These are the women we learn to be polite and courteous from. Then there's the girl next door. She's all the things we want her to be -- sweet, honest, pretty, wholesome, and, hidden under a shroud of good manners, dirty and sexual. The perfect woman to settle down with. But wait a minute... she's acting strange. You thought ...

By Andrea Madison You're past the early stages of your relationship and the two of you are getting pretty close. You are probably thinking that it's time to open up and share all those intimate details of your past and present. Well, stop right there. Up until now, you've probably been told that honesty is the best policy in a relationship -- and most of the time it is. However, there are certain things about you, your family and your personal history that you don't need to share with your woman -- ever. Now, I'm certainly not advocating lying, but rather selectively omitting some information that might not work in your favor. The following are 10 things that you should definitely not tell your girlfriend, even if she asks. In fact, mentioning any of the following would probably have her say, "I wish you hadn't told me that." Number 10 Your family hates her. This is an unfortunate situation, yes. But if you tell her, you'll only fuel the fire by m...