Commitment-Phobia: Why Men Say "I Don't"
At some point in our lives, we want to quit "the game" and settle down with that one special lady. Marriage is a word that we all dread until suddenly, one day, it all makes sense and you pop the big question.
The big day -- your wedding -- is probably one of the most stressful events you will have to go through. And quite understandably, there may be a voice in the back of your mind asking, ”What the hell am I doing?” Approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, so it's sensible to double-check that your very last pickup is the perfect woman for you.
Your buddies may tell you to look at your potential mother-in-law to see what your future wife will become -- a classic warning sign. But if that's not enough, here are a few more signs that you should consider calling off the wedding.
She Has Pre-wedding Stress
Granted, the wedding is a very stressful affair -- we'll give her that much. But as you wave goodbye to all the joys and memories of single life, this is the day that she has dreamed about since she figured out boys could do more than just pull her pigtails. Your bride-to-be has probably thought about it, planned it and talked about it for hour upon hour since she made that wedding scrapbook when she was 9 years old.
How she deals with seeing this dream come to life is crucial. Of course, she's going to reach stress levels you just won't understand, and for the most part it's best to nod as often as possible and ride out the storm. But there are limits. Stressful times can bring out the worst in people. Any veins of selfishness, vanity and shallowness -- the flaws you feared most -- will come bubbling to the surface.
If the wedding turns your girl into some kind of horrific Bridezilla, alarm bells should ring. This is the person you are hoping to spend the rest of your life with and if one day causes her personality to morph so completely you may want to ask yourself if she's really The One.
She's Against the Bachelor Party
Flowers? Seating arrangements? Color schemes? These “vital elements” of the wedding probably aren't the things you're looking forward to the most. The bachelor party? Now we're talking. The stag night is every man's right. This last hoorah is your farewell to the single life in the company of your finest friends. It doesn't matter if it's a relaxing camping trip or a weekend of debauchery in Amsterdam, the bachelor party marks your passage into the married world.
So an attempt by your fiancée to veto this is very worrying. “If you love me, you won't want to spend a night in a strip club” or “I don't trust what your friends will do to you” may sound sensible, but should be resisted. She has spent years dreaming about the wedding and you have spent years dreaming about your bachelor party.
This may be a glimpse into your future; you won't be going on that bar crawl for Johnny's birthday, there will be no Saturday night poker or football game, and Frank's bachelor party? Forget it.
No bachelor party means no marriage.
She's Living Too Far in the Future
Marriage clearly shows your intention to spend the rest of your life with your girl, but not necessarily a desire to jump immediately into a massive brood of kids and other mom and dad stuff.
You may notice that since your proposal a lot of her time has been spent planning for the future. We're not just talking wedding plans here, we mean far, far into the future: how many children to have, choosing their nannies and schools, and lavish decorations for a house you don't even own yet. These are warning signs that she could be playing catch-up with her already settled friends.
Marriage should be enjoyed in and of itself. It would be nice to have a few years as a happily married couple without all the other things that get in the way. Kids and an expensive house are good in time, but just enjoying the marriage is great. Any reluctance on her part to slow down should be treated with caution.
She's Over-controlling
OK, so we've noted that the finer details of the wedding ceremony probably aren't your major interest or even your remotest concern, but you would like some input into how the day goes. If there's one negative trait that's bound to surface in your oh-so-perfect fiancée, it's going to be her over-controlling side.
Even though she's undoubtedly had this planned for years, there should be some room for your suggestions. She may hate the idea of your entire college football team attending, however, if it's what you really want then there should be some compromise.
Her obsessive, over-controlling side doesn't paint a very pretty picture of future domestic bliss. Instead, images of a hen-pecked, beaten-down husband spring to mind. Things to really watch out for include a no-drinking rule, limiting the number of your buddies and insisting that she choose your clothes on a daily basis.
She Complains About Her Ring
The wedding ring symbolizes the two of you bonded together for the rest of your lives. It's placed on the ring finger of our left hand because it was believed that the “love vein” found there runs straight to your heart. That's pretty romantic...
So if she moans that the diamond isn't big enough or there aren't enough rocks, take note. A marriage is a statement of love and so much more than mere jewelry. The very fact that you're giving her the wedding ring should be enough.
f she continues to complain about her ring, gently remind her that originally engagement “rings” were merely bands of grass tied around the bride-to-be's wrist and ankle. If she still whines, do you really want to waste your life with such a shallow gold digger?
Don't Get Caught With Cold Feet
If you notice any of the above tell-tale signs in your future bride-to-be, then maybe you should consider calling off the wedding. However, the very fact that you're looking for a reason in the first place is worrying in itself and calls for careful thought and possible marriage reconsideration. Then again, it could just be cold feet.
Your wedding day is one of the most important days of your life and you don't want to make your day in divorce court the second.
