Will a Liar Ever Change?
However, because you feel strongly for this person, it is not easy for you to break away, even though you know that is probably what is best for you. You hang on, with hope that things will change and he will not lie to you anymore. You justify staying with him by telling yourself that he is a good person and deep down you know he loves you- and that your relationship is wonderful and perfect- except when he lies.
What you need to ask yourself when this happens is: Do you consider a wonderful relationship one in which your partner lies to you? Is being lied to by a liar your idea of love and respect?
When you are emotionally involved with someone, it is not always easy to ask and answer these logical questions. You often will make excuses for a liar, just to make yourself feel better about staying with someone who does not truly respect you.
When your partner lies to you, it is because he does not respect you and is not as committed to the relationship as you would like to believe. Of course, there are different kinds of lies- little ones and big ones, but a lie is still a lie, no matter the size or reason for the lie.
Look at it like this: if your partner can lie so easily over little things that are unnecessary to lie about, then you can be pretty sure that he/she will lie to you about bigger things that will really matter and damage the relationship.
Can a Liar change? Sure, people and liars can change- but only if they want to. No one will ever change solely because you want them to. It also depends on the person’s (the liar) history.
For example, if the two of you just started seeing each other and he/she has certain insecurities and fears that caused him/her to lie over small things, then that can easily change once you confront the lies and work through the issue(s) together and work on making each other secure and comfortable in the relationship, so that he/she does not feel like lies are necessary.
However, if you have been with your partner for a while or a very long time and you continue being lied to no matter how many times you confront the issue and pour your heart out, then your partner simply does not care to change his/her lying ways and will most likely not change. He/She may say he/she loves you, but the behavior proves otherwise when you are being told lie after lie.
A real loving relationship is an open and honest one. When there is nothing to hide, you hide nothing- so if your partner is frequently lying to you, whether little or big, it is because truth is being kept to you and there is something about him/her that does not want to be revealed for you to see.
As painful as it may be to break up with someone you have strong feelings for, it is in your best interest to discontinue seeing anyone who does not value you enough to be honest with you. If you stay with a liar, then you are also choosing to lie to yourself- convincing yourself that you are in a perfect relationship, when deep down you know the truth. If you are involved with someone who lies to you, think about slowing things down and think about whether this is really what you want for yourself or not.
