5 Ego Boosts Every Man Needs

by Francesca Di Meglio

Men are full of surprises, and bedroom behavior is no exception. To get to the bottom of things, it took one of their own

-- and a psychologist at that -- George Weinberg, author of Why Men Won't Commit: Getting What You Both Want Without Playing Games, who studies male behavior in romantic relationships. While we can't explain all male behavior, here are five sex secrets that may help you understand -- and get even closer to -- your guy.

1. He's afraid he'll let you down -- literally. Men feel tremendous pressure to perform sexually. "In the past, men weren't evaluating their sexual performance because women weren't supposed to judge them," says Weinberg. But women aren't waiting for marriage to have sex anymore, and that means they have more experience in the bedroom. Sexually satisfied role models, like Madonna and the Sex and the City sirens, encourage women to be open about their sexual desires and complaints. Suddenly, the pressure to perform is on, and he can't help but feel like he has to please you. Even though you might forgive him for a few poor performances, he has a hard time forgiving himself.
Warning: If your man has a recurring problem getting aroused or maintaining his erection, he may start to blame you to protect his ego.
What you can do: Dr. Weinberg suggests something simple. Just relax and try to enjoy sex, which will help to alleviate some of the pressure. In other words, don't take it personally or, worse, insult him. And never point and laugh!

2. Men need validation to get their groove on. Sex is a source of power, and it gives proof that one is masculine. "To a man, having sex means that he can move a woman, that he's an athlete, a provider and a lover," says Weinberg. Basically, your guy wants to be a superhero, and he certainly wants you to see him in that light. When he satisfies you sexually, he feels like Superman. If you're enjoying yourself, let him know that Lois Lane is happy, adds Weinberg.
Warning: No encouragement means no mojo.
What you can do: It's simple. Say, "That feels good," or let out a moan or heavy breath when you feel like it. A good rule of thumb: Don't fake it but don't fight it.

Men don't like waiting too long to have sex with a new partner. Unlike some dating experts, Weinberg believes that women should never hold out to have sex simply because of the so-called rules of dating. He is more likely to commit if there is a sexual component to the relationship, and it is important for him to know that you find him sexually desirable. "A man goes through a lifetime hoping to find a woman who can't keep her hands off him," says Weinberg.
Warning: "Frankly, if your guy is offended when you initiate sex, get rid of him," he says.
What you can do: We're all sensual beings; we might as well be who we are. So don't be afraid to make a move when the mood strikes.

4. Men wish they had better bodies too. Let's face it: Men may not worry about weight nearly as much as women do, but they do have their own image issues.
Warning: Most men are quite concerned about their penis size, general physical condition, height and baldness, says Weinberg. In other words, they are hoping for mood lighting in the bedroom just as much as women are.
What you can do: Help your man by telling him that you find him attractive and showing him affection.

5. Most men will not forgive a cheating girlfriend. Men who have been betrayed, especially in the bedroom, are far less likely to forgive their partners than women in the same situation, says Weinberg.
Warning: Men are looking for a woman who will stick with them.
What you can do: Show your loyalty not only by remaining faithful when in a committed relationship, but also by supporting your man in front of colleagues and friends and defending him when necessary, says Weinberg. This allegiance will make your man more secure and will give him the motivation to let loose in the bedroom with you. Men want commitment just as much as women do; they just want it packaged differently.